How are 9w8 like in relationships?

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This blog discusses what 9w8 are in relationships and what they can do to establish a healthy relationship. 

We will also discuss what an 9w8 is as well as what their key characteristics are.

How are 9w8 like in relationships?

Enneagram Type Nine with an Eight-Wing tend to be reliable partners who strive for stability in their relationships. They are often committed and seek out commitment with people that they trust and love and remain loyal to them for a long time. 

In their relationships, be it romantic or platonic, they are loyal and devoted to their partners who are often honest and direct about their feelings. Unlike the other nines, the 9w8 tend to be direct in expressing their wants and are assertive about it. 

They do value harmony in the relationship but unlike other nines that tend to suppress their needs, the 9w8s tend to be assertive about their needs but they balance this by avoiding being overbearing of their partners. 

They are individuals who like going with the flow when it comes to their relationships, while also balancing out this spontaneity with good humour and commitment to their partners. 

Because they are more direct about their needs, their wants, and assertive as well, they do not like to play petty mind games with their partners nor are they possessive of their partners. 

They trust their partners to be loyal like them as well as expressive about their own needs with them, because they are developed, they are open to accommodating their partners needs and wants. 

While these aspects of the 9w8 in relationships make their partners likable and desirable, there are some challenges that the 9w8 faces in relationships. 

When stressed, they can become aggressive in the way they deal with the problem. Not violent but rather passive aggressive when they are challenged. 

Along with thuis they tend to withdraw and be emotionally isolated from their partners which can affect the relationships communication and growth. 

For them, affection is important for them to feel secure in the relationship and if their partner  pulls away or is not appreciative or affectionate, they can develop insecurities that manifest in the form of aggression due to perceived slights from their partners. 

As romantic partners, they are more attuned with the here and now, rather than fears about their future, this can often become a problem if their partner is future oriented, because 9w8s tend to be more here and now type of partner which can at times cause them to lack vision and planning. 

What is 9w8?

‘9w8’ refers to the personality type Nine with an Eight wing or ‘Nine wing Eight.’  

An individual who is a Type nine with an eight wing belongs to what is known as the “gut triad” who usually are individuals who are instinctual and based their decisions and behaviours on their “gut instincts’ ‘.

They are often motivated and are reactive when it comes to their overall behaviour which is not necessarily negative, what it means is that they are quick on their feelings, true to their instincts, and adaptive. 

They are motivated by the desire to maintain harmony and stability and often have a fear related to losing people they care about. They are often called “Advisors” because of their tendency to be direct as well as their natural instinct to be leaders who advise while caring for others. 

What are the characteristics of a 9w8?

Here are a few key characteristics of the 9w8”

  • 9w8’s tend to be calm, as the type 9’s key characteristics tend to be more laid back or more passive with their ideas so as to maintain harmony but with an eighth wing, the 9 with 8 wing tends to be a little more assertive. 
  • They tend to take less time planning, like the nine usually would, because they are confident and really believe that things will work out much like how the 8 works.
  • They tend to be social but independent and more so organised in the way they conduct their lives and while they are empathetic like the nine usually is, the Type 9w8 tend to be bolder, more courageous, and more out there. ‘
  • In their social lives they tend to be encouraging and supportive of the underdogs by giving them praise, advice, support, and guidance.
  • The 9w8 tend to be a little anxious of being left out which stems from their fear of missing out on things or being left behind or losing their relationships and they handle this fear by maintaining a healthy distance from such emotionally heavy issues. 
  • They are driven to be at peace with the world and well-adjusted which often leads them to force order and organisation in their lives, often with rules and limitations, so as to desensitise themselves from negative feelings and avoid confrontation. 
  • Now, the Type 9 with 8 wings tends to have a push and pull kind of energy where the avoidant tendency of the nine and the strength to move forward of the eight creates an individual who is both powerful and kind which makes them unofficial leaders that people often gravitate towards. 
  • Nine wings tend to be assertive and are often able to express their fears and worries, share their feelings with other people unlike a Type 9 who tend to keep their feelings to themselves to avoid conflict. These types share their emotions openly.
  • They are also individuals who tend to embody sensuality, power, and strength while also being curious about the world they live in as well as show interest in other people. This often makes them sociable, with a great sense of humour, while also seemingly seen as capable and skilled. 
  • 9w8, unlike the typical 9, tend to be go-getters and are often aggressive and assertive when it is something that they want even if what they want tend to be off-limits. This makes them competitive and at times a little rude. 
  • They also tend to be passive aggressive and stubborn while also being defensive of their own limitations such as their tendency to not be logical in their decision making and more emotionally driven. 
  • They tend to be standoffish when people come to disrupt their peace of mind and their “system” of doing things. This cna make them explosive and often angry that is passively expressed. This aggressiveness is often done as a way to protect themselves rather than to intentionally hurt other people since they are always aiming for stability and calmness. 
  • 9w8 tends to work diligently and can adapt well even in new settings and can pick up new tasks easily. They are often open to new ideas provided that the new idea can get things moving. 

What is an Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a categorization system of personality types. This system is based on how individuals interpret the world and manage their emotions, as well as how they behave as a response. 

The Enneagram, describes 9 different enneagram of personality types and these types are plotted on a map or diagram that illustrates how each personality type interacts and responds to each other. 

The exact origin of the Enneagram is unknown but it is assumed to have roots in ancient Babylon and also has traces of it in Greek philosophy 2500 years ago. 

This particular model of personality has been attributed to the Jewish Kabbalah, Christian mysticism and a mystical form of Islam, Sufism. However, the modern Enneagram system is the work of contemporary authors. Georg Ivanovich Gurdjieff who introduced the model in the 1930s as a spiritual symbol. 

According to the Enneagram, these types are defined by a core belief about how their world works and it is these beliefs that influence their world view, their motivation, and their perspectives about themselves, the world, and other people. 

These core beliefs are personal and individual to each type and while it can help us understand how each type reacts and responds to the world, it can also be limiting.

No one number or type is better than another as it is a horizontal system in spite of numbers being used and each individual may relate to more than one type and resonate with different traits depending on their station and experiences of life and overall levels of health.

Your Basic Type

According to Enneagram theory, the “types” that are identified based on the assessment inputs are what is called the basic type that people are born with.

They refer to a dominant personality type that is manifested in one’s behaviours, cognitive, and emotional patterns which develop out of the environment one is part of and also the things one experiences early on in their lives. 

Your Adjacent Types: Wings

The Enneagram system posits that the basic type is not the only type and that no one is “truly” only determined by the basic type.

Rather the personality of an individual is a combination of one’s basic type and at least one or both of the adjacent types known as “wings.”

These Wings influence an individual’s manifestation of their overall personality, but they do not replace their basic type since the theory strongly notes that people do not shift from one type to the other. 

However, because people are dynamic and evolving, the traits of one type is not enough to determine the whole personality of an individual which is why it is possible that an individual will manifest personality traits of their wings depending on their life experiences, and patterns of lifestyle they pick up over time, 


This blog discussed what 9w8 are in relationships and what they can do to establish a healthy relationship. 

We also discussed what an 9w8 is as well as what their key characteristics are.

FAQ related to 9w8 Relationships

Are Enneagram 4 narcissists?

Type fours tend to be seen as narcissistic and selfish because of their tendency to be internally focused and often refer to themselves as a way to relate and understand the world around them but this doesn’;t necasey mean that they are narcissistic. 

What does it mean to be a 9w8?

An individual who is a Type nine with an eight wing belongs to what is known as the “gut triad” who usually are individuals who are instinctual and based their decisions and behaviours on their “gut instincts’ ‘.

They are often motivated and are reactive when it comes to their overall behaviour which is not necessarily negative, what it means is that they are quick on their feelings, true to their instincts, and adaptive. 

Are 9w8 lazy?

9w8s tend to be more driven and assertive compared to the other type 9s however, 9w8s tend to be lazy at times purely because they don’t want to deal with the situation and for no other reason. 

What do 9s go through in stress?

When they are stressed, the nine tend to become indecisive, passive aggressive, forgetful. If they continue being stressed, they become competitive- in very unhealthily ways, arrogant and also pessimistic in their general outlook. 

Who Should an Enneagram 9 date?

Type Sixes commonly pair well with Type Nines as this makes a complementary pairing where the nine’s peaceful presence and calm nature can suit the Sixes anxieties and doubts. 

At the same time the Six’s driven nature can get the Nine to start moving, challenging them to be more assertive and driven. 


Owens.M. What is the Enneagram of Personality. Truity. Retrieved on 27th January 2022.

Cherry.K. What Is the Enneagram? VerywellMind. Retrieved on 27th January 2022.

9w8 Enneagram Personality and Best Jobs For Them. How I Got The Job. Retrieved on 27th January 2022.

9w8 | A Helpful Explanation For Enneagram Type 9 Wing 8. Enneagram Gift.  Retrieved on 27th January 2022.

9w8 Relationships (A Guide). Psychreel. Retrieved on 27th January 2022.

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