Am I a Lesbian? Signs that indicate you are a lesbian

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This blog post will explore what are some signs that indicate that you could be a lesbian. We will also cover topics like what does it mean to be a lesbian and what are the various lesbian genders you might come across. 

We will also explore the issue surrounding coming out, your rights as a member of the LGBT+ community, and also how relationships work in this context.

Am I a Lesbian? Signs that indicate you are a lesbian

If you have ever come to a situation where you have asked yourself “Am I a lesbian?” you are definitely not the only one. 

It’s very common to have questions about your sexuality and wonder whether you could possibly not be as straight as you think. Experts believe that sexuality is not one or the other rather it sits on a spectrum that consists of more than just straits and gays/lesbains. 

You don’t have to label yourself when you are at a pint in your life where you are donering if you are a lesbian or a straight person. 

However, if the idea that a label is something that can empower you and help you understand where you stand right now, let us take a closer look at what lesbainism is and what are some signs that could indicate that you are one.

Let us consider a few definitions of what a lesbian is.

According to the Vanderbilt University cultural center, a place of affirmation people of gender and sexuality, defines lesbians as 

“…a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation toward women.”

Their definition also included that some non-bianry people also refer to themselves as lesbians.

The Centre, a community centre for the LGBT+, defines a lesbian as a sexuality where,

“… a woman whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to other women. “

The Center also noted that some lesbians also term themsleevs as “gay” or “gay women”.

So when we look at these definitons from both community centers we understanding that these are the following signs that indicate that you are a lesbian.

  • There is sexual interest and attraction towards another woman as opposed to a man- meaning that if you, a cis woman, will feel desire, aroudal, and interest towards another person. 
  • When it comes to sexual interest, you might have the desire to kiss another woman, touch and have sex with them- consensually of course. 
  • You might be more open to exploring and experimenting with other women and your sexual expereinces with other women might have been more satisfying and more fulfilling as opposed to your sexual experiences with men. 
  • There is romantic interest, meaning that you will feel a deep, emotional attraction to another woman- beyond just friendship- and see them as potential romantic partners.
  • Being with a female partner sounds appealing, you like the idea of being married to a woman, starting a family with them, and building a future with them as opposed to with a man. 
  • You might have had some suppressed thoughts about being a lesbian or might have had dreams realted to sexual or romantic situations with another woman.
  • You are pretty sure that you are not romantically and sexually attrachted to men- you cannot relate to your straight friends when they talk about their sexual experiences with men, do not like the idea of being with men, think that being with a man is like being trapped. 
  • There is a pattern- of crushes and romantic relationships and sexual attractions- where these all involve other females or people who identify as females. 
  • You believe that the lesbian community will provide you with the identity, support, and community that you have been looking for all your life. 
  • The label of being a “Lesbian”- whatever it might mean to you- feels empowering, promising, home-y, exciting, or secure.

Can I test to see if I am a lesbian?

Now that we have gone through some signs that indicate that you might be a lesbian, if you are still not convinced, you might be thinking whether you can take a test for it. 

To put it plainly,  isn’t a quiz or test you can take that will tell you your sexuality. It’s not because there is no test or that there has not been any that was developed. 

Rather, it is because of the fact that sexuality is on a spectrum- one lesbian differens from another in terms of sexuality and identity whih renders these types of tests, which usually are based on generalisation, as invalid and unreliable.

Because sexuality is a spectrum, there are no set criteria that You have to check off to be  associated with a particular identity in order to be recognised as so and so- lesbian in this instance. 

However, if you think that you still want to try it out- make it a fun little pass time- here are a few quizzes and tests you can try out. 

Keep in mind that these tests are not validated nor are they confirmed to be reliable. These are simply pop-culture quizzes with no actual scientific evidence behind it. 

Am I a lesbian?  By  Tiyah Banks for ProprofQuizes is a ten item quiz that claims to help you get an idea abut your sexuality in terms of the question of whether you are a lesbian or not. 

Am I A Lesbian? Quiz ⚢ Confused by Kelly McNicholas for is another pop-culutre quiz that you can use to explore and get an idea about whether you are a lesbian. 

What does it mean to be a Lesbian?

As discussed earlier, generally speaking, a lesbian is a woman who is attracted to and prefers intimate relationships with other women. 

Now, you have to understand that the term “women” does not only refer to cis-women. This is a common misunderstanding due to lack of awareness that all lesbians are women who are female at birth. 

But that is not entirely true because this particular form of rhetoric excludes trans-women and  invalidates trans women lesbians, and also implies that trans men  (F to M) are lesbians if they’re attracted to women and other non-men.

So, when it comes to a person being a lesbian it can mean that the attraction and relationships can be sexual, emotional, romantic and/or spiritual between two people who identify as women.

What are lesbian genders?

Now, one might think that a lesbian would not really look like the “traditonal female”- one might have the misconception that within a lesbian couple, there would be one that “wears the pants”. 

But that is simply not true- these misconceptions are informed by stereotypes about gender and old misguided and archaic notions of gender that stick to the idea that gender is only two. 

There is no one way for a lesbian to look like and how you dress, how you walk, how you talk, and so on — isn’t what makes a lesbian.

There is the question of lesbian genders which have bee pushed by labels such as butch, femme, or futch — or exclusive Black lesbians terms , like stud and stemme.

These terms are called “lesbian genders” that are part of gender expressions within lesbianism. However, you don’t need to present yourself as butch, femme, or by any other lesbian gender since being a lesbian is not about how you present yourself.  

SO, you do not need to dress a certain way, or behave a certain way for you and your sexual orientation to be valid. 

You can choose to do it as long as the ways you’re expressing yourself, your gender, and your sexuality in ways that allow you affirmation and make you feel your best self. 

If you are confused as to what being a lesbian is to you, the best thing you can do is to give yoiurself the power to explore. Explore with your style, your labels, and presentations, and find what feels right for you at that moment or age. 

Should I come out as a lesbian?

Coming out is not just sitting down with people and telling them about your gender and sexuality. 

It is a lengthier process. 

Coming out is a process that starts with accepting your sexuality- basically coming out to yourself, and figuring out how open you want to be about it. 

It then follows the usual route of telling people about what you have learned about yourself- to the ones you trust and perhaps your family too. 

Coming out does not happen overnight and it is never easy therefore, you don’t have to come out if you don’t want to, before you’re ready to, nor do you have to be open about your sexuality to everyone. 

If you want to come out because it empowers you and allows you the freedom of living your truth, start by choosing someone you trust, like a close friend, a sibling, parent, or a guidance counselor.

Be ready for their reactions and because not everyone has the same beliefs there may be a wide range of reactions- you might be given a lot of support by some while others might shame you and turn against you. So it is important that you have a support system with you during this time. 

What are your rights as a lesbian?

As of recent years, there has been much strides in acceptance and equal rights when it comes to the LGBT+ reality, still, homophobia exists and many lesbians do face discrimination.

It is important that you understand that everyone has the basic human right to be who they are and no one can determine how you life your life and how you identify yourself. 

In most countries, there has been major strides in working towards equality for people within the LGBT+ communities. The US has only legalised gay marriages in the last decade and there is still so much progress to be made. 

There are now policies and laws that bands discrimination against sexuality and gender in the workplace and even in terms of the basic definition and legality of homsexual relationships have changed in most countries. 

These laws that protect your rights as an LGBT+ citizen of the state and country differ according to country and jurisdiction. It’s a good idea to look up laws and policies in your state and school to keep yourself protected and empowered. 

FAQ related to “Am I a Lesbian?”

How do I deal with a lesbian relationship?

Lesbian relationships and any homosexual relationships are the same as any other heterosexual relationships aside from the fact that there might be issues related to discrimination from outside forces. 

However, within the relationship- partners face the same problem and celebrate the same joys as another relationship. 

Here are a few things you can do to set up a healthy and fullinly relationship if you are a lesbian. 

Listen to each other


Spend quality time together

Set boundaries


Build intimacy beyond the bedroom

Respect each other as equals

Make sure that both of you are at the same level of commitment. 

What does Lgbtqa+ stand for?

‘LGBTIQA+’ is an evolving acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer/questioning, asexual.

Who created LGBT flag?

Gilbert Baker an American artist, gay rights activist designed the rainbow flag in 1978 which is now known as a worldwide symbol of LGBTQ pride.

What is a straight ally?

An ally, straight ally, or heterosexual ally is a heterosexual and cisgender person who supports and/or accepts equal LGBT+ civil rights.

They also understand and accept gender equality, and promote LGBT social movements and are also part of the movements that challenge homophobia and transphobia.


Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Intersex Life: Definitions. TheVanderbilt. Retrieved on 11th Dec 2021.

I think I am a Lesbian, Advocates for youth. Retrieved on 11th Dec 2021.

What is LGBTQ? The Center. Retrieved on 11th Dec 2021.

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