This article will take a look at why someone would be desperate for love and also highlight how they can cope with this feeling. Furthermore, the article will discuss the theory of Erickson to explain why, at a sudden age, we want to settle down and finally start a family. The article will also touch upon what depression is and how loneliness may lead to it.
Desperate For Someone To Love Me – Why?
Here are 5 reasons why you are desperate for someone to love you:
- You Miss Being Loved
- Your Social Circle Is Settling Down
- You Are Lonely
- You Have Never Experienced Love
- You Are Human
Let us take a look at these reasons in detail!
You Miss Being Loved
Many of us have been in and out of relationships where we have experienced the feeling of being in love – you feel complete, invincible and as if you have everything in the world when that one person is with you. It is indeed a powerful feeling that can truly move mountains. Love is something that shows on a person. A person in love can easily be recognized – not only do they feel beautiful but also look beautiful because you can see the happiness and glow on their face!
However, with time and lack of effort and uninterested people, that love is sometimes lost. In some cases it was never meant to be but in others it could be one or both partner’s fault. Regardless of the reasons, a person will feel as though they have been run over by a truck – or they wish to be – once they have a breakup and start living their newfound life – the lonely life!
When someone does not fall out of love but is forced to go through a breakup or be pushed to mutually end a relationship – it can feel as though it is the end of everything. Some people become so upset that they go through depression or even become suicidal in extreme cases. The average person recovers from a heartbreak in about a few weeks or a couple of months. It varies from case to case though.
Once we are out of love and have recovered – we begin to miss that feeling and understand the beauty around it. It is this time when we begin to want to have that feeling again with someone special.
Hence, one’s past experiences may make them want to be desperately loved by someone.
Your Social Circle Is Settling Down
It is only natural to look and feel like others do – one does not want to get left behind in life, especially in the things that are considered normal and a must have. Being with someone – not necessarily in love – and finally having a family is something people consider normal and something that will eventually come. However, in many cases it does not – even if it does it could be quite later in life. Thus we should not waste our life trying so hard for something that is to come about naturally.
Nonetheless, at the age of around 30 people begin settling down. Your little brother, cousins, friends, neighbors and people you knew at school will finally have found that special person and will be planning to get married – they could possibly be going around asking people to lend them some money so they could throw a lavish party afterwards! It is impossible to not see everyone else around you begin to settle down and have that special someone. Not only does this make you feel lonely but the company that you once enjoyed is getting a bit too busy because of their new family life.
This is one solid reason why people begin to feel lonely and want to be desperately loved – not necessarily because they are lonely but because everyone else around them has a special someone in their life to cuddle with!
You Are Lonely
It could be that you are very lonely which is why you want to be desperately loved by someone. Your family may be too busy for you and your friends might be busy getting their educational degrees or finally settling down into a job. With all the free time on your hands you will no doubt feel alone and want to have someone to spend that time with.
You Have Never Experienced Love
An innocent but true reason – you may want to be desperately loved by someone because you have never experienced how it is!
With so much content available on love – movies, cartoons, books, poems, advertisements and even daily products based on this idea – you do not want to leave out. Everywhere you go, you will see the element of love and romance cast into something if not nothing. When you are constantly bombarded by something like this you will want to have or experience it too!
You Are Human
As humans, we are social animals and not solitary ones. We are meant to live together and grow together. Thus it is in our genes to be loved and to love and this is one reason why we begin to feel lonely and hence may want to be desperately loved by someone simply because it is natural!
Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development
Ericksons maintained that our personality developed over a period of years and through a set sequence of stages, which if we pass successfully, we will develop a healthy personality that will have a good effect on us as well as others.
The sixth stage is known as “Intimacy vs. Isolation” during which we begin to feel the need for close and intimate relationships with others. It takes place in young adulthood from around 19 to 40 years of age. The major conflict at this stage of life centers on forming intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success at this stage leads to fulfilling relationships. Struggling at this stage, on the other hand, can result in feelings of loneliness and isolation.
People who are successful in resolving the conflict of the intimacy versus isolation stage have:
- Close romantic relationships
- Deep, meaningful connections
- Enduring connections with other people
- Positive relationships with family and friends
- Strong relationships
Initimacy does not only refer to sexual relations or feelings but feelings of love, trust and being appreciated by a close one. Such relations are characterized by gratitude, closeness and love where one can share things with the other person without any fear.
Sometimes, when our need of being loved is not fulfilled, we fall into depression. The article has slightly touched upon this topic below.
Depression – A Mental Health Condition
Depression is a serious mental health condition and affects how you feel, think and behave. It affects millions of people all around the world and can result in severe symptoms – even suicide!
It involves a person having a negative outlook about the world, oneself and others. The person feels as though they are not capable of working through their problems and they also lose much interest in previous activities that once excited them. They experience a number of changes in their sleep routines, eating habits and overall behaviour. They feel persistently sad over a considerable amount of time and they have issues in thinking clearly – they are not able to maintain good performance in work and their relationships – although this perception is changing because depressed people often mask their present state effectively.
Depression is quite different from sadness that we experience. Sadness is a temporary state that we experience due to a certain life event. Also, in sadness we do not lose our self esteem and our focus is not on ending our own life but ending the problems we have.
Depression – The Symptoms
Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
- Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Loss of energy or increased fatigue
- Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)
- Feeling worthless or guilty
- Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
This article took a look at why we sometimes want to be desperately loved and discussed the reasons in detail. Furthermore, the article explained what the psychosocial stages of development are and what happens when our need to be loved is not fulfilled.