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Enneagram 5w4 Relationships (A 5 point Guide)

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This article will take a look at how 5w4 enneagram types behave in relationships and what traits they exhibit. Furthermore, the article will also introduce this enneagram in detail to the audience. Lastly, the article will also provide an example of the relationships 5w4 enneagrams have!

How Do Enneagram 5w4s Behave In Relationships?

In relationships the enneagram 5w4 behaves in the following ways:

  • Focuses On The Small Things
  • Withdraw From Others
  • Too Idealistic – Not Practical
  • Logical Approach

Before we take a look at these traits in detail, let’s take a look at the 5w4 enneagram and who he is!

The 5w4 Enneagram – The Philosopher

Possessing more traits associated with the type 5 rather than type 4 enneagram, the ‘Philosopher’ although reserved in their behaviour is quite the thinker and reflector! They like to take their time when it comes to pondering over things that amaze or fascinate them. Furthermore, they like to do this in a peaceful and quiet environment rather than brainstorm over it with others. They are indeed introverted because they need alone time not only to think but to also reflect and recharge their social battery.

Compared to type 5 enneagrams, they are more emotional and expressive. Hence, they do possess a more human element and do not just focus on the hard areas of life or use simple facts and figures to explain phenomena. This is because they realize the importance of human intervention and influence. Also, these individuals are quite expressive and like to do things in a manner that not only represents their opinions or beliefs but also feels comfortable to them.

Because of their nature and how they think or feel about others, these enneagram types may seem a bit distant – they remain guarded and withdrawn from others. This is not only because they need time alone but they prefer to keep a distance from other people. At the same time, they are very much open to gaining new skills and knowledge to increase their knowledge base as well as the resources – in the form of skills – that will help them strengthen their own standing and make them more capable of even greater tasks.

Despite their introverted side, they love to explore new avenues! They will explore to find more opportunities, learn the truth regarding people or things that interest them and also just for the sake of it. They love exploring and they don’t mind doing this alone because it allows them to have the chance to think and reflect while on such ‘missions’.

Fears & Desires – How They Affect Relationships

The main fear this enneagram type has is that of being helpless and incompetent. They do not want to be in a position where they cannot help themselves or defend themselves for that matter! Also, they are scared that they might feel useless. The 5w4 enneagram does not want to be in a position where they are not competent for a certain task or be of no use to others!

This greatly affects their relationships – they want to be useful for their significant other and hence they do put in effort. However, if their significant other makes them feel useless or does not appreciate them then this can greatly demotivate the enneagram.

The basic desire of the type 5w4 enneagram stems from the fact that they want to feel competent and worthy. They want to be able to master a set of skills that they can use to not only ensure their independence and strong standing but also their ability to help others.

The type 5w4 enneagram wants to help and guide others too and they believe they can only do this if they have the right skills and knowledge. Hence they also desire that they possess a number of skills and much knowledge from different walks of life.

This desire greatly motivates them to perform well in relationships and this is why they tend to invest their time in them and will listen to their significant other and what they need. Such is the case with the INFJ 5w4.

How Do Enneagram 5w4s Behave In Relationships?

In relationships the enneagram 5w4 behaves in the following ways:

  • Focuses On The Small Things: When it comes to this enneagram type, the 5w4 focuses on the small things in life and this makes their partner feel better because the enneagram even appreciates or notices the small things she does for him. However, at the same time, they also notice the small mistakes too! 
  • Withdraw From Others: One of the ways this enneagram deals with stress is withdrawing from others and their surroundings. They will not talk about how something or someone is bothering them but they tend to stay quiet and withdraw into the dark shadows. This can cause strain on the relationship especially if their partner is concerned and the enneagram type refuses to discuss what is bothering them.
  • Too Idealistic – Not Practical: Sometimes it is difficult for this enneagram to be practical and this is usually because they are introverts and they do not consider many things when planning stuff. Hence, they will make claims but not see them come through. This will lead to disappointment in their partner and lack of confidence too.
  • Logical Approach: Despite their internal world and its influence on their lives – the type 5w4 enneagram follows a very logical approach when dealing with various issues. They will take the time to understand the issue at hand and gain their spouses point of view. Also, they take the time to make their partner understand how things work in their view and at the same time consider their view too!
  • Oversensitive: This enneagram type can sometimes become sensitive and this is because they are invested in their relationships and may sometimes tend to overthink – they have the habit of analyzing things in quite some detail and from many perspectives to truly understand the issue at heart. However, they prefer to not express themselves in front of others and will rather become distant than talk about the issue and how it has affected them.

Enneagram 5w4 Relationships – An Example

Here is an example of how this enneagram fares well with other types!

5w4 & 4w5 Relationships: Are They Good Partners?

The 5w4 and 4w5 enneagrams are actually good partners in a relationship because they have the same temperament and share similar traits as well. They are not quite reactive and like to take a more passive or safe route when it comes to handling relationship issues.

The 5w4 enneagram is quite sensitive and will feel even the smallest of things – they are quick to pick up on things that their partner may say and has the potential to hurt them. Although the 4w5 enneagram may not be quick to notice and may in fact distance themself in difficult times, they are able to understand the problem at hand and will view things from an objective view which will also help the two be neutral in problems and accept their issues. It would be bad if the 4w5 enneagram was also overly sensitive or reacted strongly.

Both of these enneagrams have interesting traits that may make them great work partners! While the 4w5 enneagram is quite creative and loves to learn, the 5w4 enneagram has the eyes for the smaller details and can come up with many ideas on how to do things differently.

The two enneagrams indeed have their issues which are necessary to solve to keep the relationship going. They have the tendency to withdraw when difficult situations arise. Also, they focus on their own view when it comes to determining the root cause of a problem.

5w4s deeply desire to be of use and significance to their significant other however at the same time they may withdraw from their loved one when there is too much stress or conflict. Hence, the 5w4 enneagram needs to take responsibility and stay when problems have to be faced.


This article took a look at the relationship behaviours of the 5w4 enneagram type and also commented on the frequent traits that they exhibit. Furthermore, the article also introduced the 5w4 enneagram in quite some detail by highlighting its traits, fears and desires so the audience would have a deeper understanding of the topic. Lastly, the article also provided an example of how these enneagrams behave with others in relationships!


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