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The Childhood Of Enneagram Type 9 (A Complete Guide)

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This article will look at the childhood experiences of type 9 enneagrams. It will do so by exploring what type of relationship they have with their parents, how they deal with turbulent conditions at home and what effects their childhood experiences have on their adult life. The article will also introduce the type 9 enneagram to the audience.

The Childhood Experience of Type 9 Enneagrams

We will be looking at important events or characteristics of the childhood of type 9 enneagrams that include the following:

  • The Enneagram Type 9’s Relation with Parents
  • Characteristics of the Type 9 Enneagram Child
  • Effects of Childhood on Type 9 Enneagram Adults

Before we look at each area, we will take a look at what the type 9 enneagram basically is and what defines their personality in terms of their basic desires, fears and major traits.

What Is The Enneagram Type 9?

These individuals like to remain out of harm’s way but they have this innate urge to be assertive hence they have conflicting traits due to the fact that they share traits from two different enneagrams. So they tend to avoid conflict but if pushed a lot they will speak up and won’t back down at all! So be careful when you deal with them. They may seem harmless and easy to take advantage of but they will fight back if you exceed the boundaries they have set up!

These individuals like to simplify issues they are facing. If something is very stressful they will like to avoid it completely but in other cases they will try to minimize the magnitude of problems they experience. This may be very soothing in the initial term but as things go along, the problem will start becoming bigger and bigger and eventually the enneagram will have to face the music. They can’t run away from problems forever.

All in all, this enneagram is creative and optimistic. They are supportive and engage well with people because they are sociable. They are comfortable talking to people and enjoy the experience because they get to learn new things, can figure out what is going on around them and what things, if any, they need to be aware of.

Now that we have a general idea of this enneagram, we will take a deeper look at its personality by looking at its fears and desires!

The Basic Fear Of Enneagram Type 9.

The ‘Advisor’ is afraid of getting on the wrong side of things or people more appropriately. They do not want to be considered the odd one out or the one who doesnt fit in! So they will try their best to avoid conflict and will try to take a neutral way out or agree with the majority if it does not conflict with their interests. In some cases, they will be bothered by their inner desire to speak up and choose what they actually think is right.

These individuals will typically not take sides and try to avoid falling into a situation where they either need to defend their view or choose a side. 

The Basic Desire Of Enneagram Type 9.

The desire these enneagrams have is to maintain peace within themselves. Advisors do not want to face any cognitive dissonance which means their thoughts and actions do not align and there is much contradiction! However, sometimes they need to compromise from their stance in order to maintain peace around them as well.

Generally, individuals with this enneagram type prefer to have peace all around them. They do not want chaos going on around them in their daily lives. They prefer to live in a world that is balanced and smoothly functioning. 

The Childhood Experience of Type 9 Enneagrams

Childhood is an important part of everyone’s lives and the experiences one goes through at this stage of life have a long term impact on the person’s personality. We will look at different areas in the childhood experience of type 9 enneagrams now.

The Enneagram Type 9’s Relation with Parents.

The relationship of the enneagram type 9 with their parents is one where the child feels strongly attached to both of their parents equally and they desire to have a nurturing relationship with each parent. They will not only expect this sort of attention but also give it back to their parents.

The true problem, however, arises when there are issues at home; the parents are fighting each other and the child is confused as to what to do. They do not feel like taking sides and if pressurized to do so, it can be very stressful as they want to maintain peace with not one but both parents.

Oftentimes what the child does is try to escape from their environment. Obviously they are young and cannot leave home to avoid the conflict. Initially, they will immerse themselves into their games, watch loud television and try to not listen to the screaming and shouting that is typical in a marital fight. The child will also go to the extent and try to desensitize themselves so that whatever they experience going on around does not affect them – it will however make them emotionally numb.

Type 9 enneagrams are children who love their parents dearly and extract much of their identity from them. They want to remain close and learn from them as well as spend time with them. They are very loyal and put their parents first, always worried what they will think. When they are neglected and left alone it can be very painful for them.

Characteristics of the Type 9 Enneagram Child

Here are a few traits the type 9 enneagram child displays when they are facing a tough situation at home:

  • Do Not Express Their Needs
  • Avoid Conflict – Stay Towards The Side
  • Avoid Sharing Thoughts
  • Surrender Self Development
  • Lose Identity

Being a child in a bad home can be a tough situation. Let us take a look at how marital fights take a toll on the type 9 enneagram child!

Do Not Express Their needs

The child stops expressing their needs because they fear that if they put up any demands to their parents they will get more angry or irritable. The enneagram type 9 child is afraid that the situation may worsen hence they do not express what they need. They will seem like a good and quiet child who is not demanding but deep down they are going through much difficulty.

Avoid Conflict – Stay Towards The Side

Children having this enneagram type disappear from the scene when they see how badly their parents clash with each other. They experience much stress due to the conflict in their immediate environment. Though they cannot go far, you will see them in unique hiding places they have been forced to find. They will like to play hide and seek more than usual and spend time alone.

Avoid Sharing Thoughts

It is not that these kids don’t have anything to share! They do because they are creative and innovative however, the conflict that surrounds them makes them afraid to share any further ideas on how to do things or improve a certain situation. They feel that the best thing they can do right now is just listen to their parents and try to please them in every possible manner.

Surrender Self Development

Going through so much conflict and not sharing one’s needs eventually pushes the type 9 enneagram child to stop focusing on their personal self growth. They only do the bare minimum that is expected of a child; they stop taking an interest in things, do not express their needs nor do they interact much with others. This eventually stunts their emotional and mental growth.

Lose Identity.

The child loses their identity in the sense that they no longer pursue what it is they desire. They retract their interests in things and kind of lose hope. They also numb out their emotions and forget who they truly are in order to bear the conflict that surrounds them in their very own home.

Effects of Childhood on Type 9 Enneagram Adults

The effects of childhood are severe on enneagram type 9 adults who have gotten it tough! They are not able to assert themselves in situations where they need to bargain for their needs or prevent too much burden from falling onto them. Also they are mostly aloof and only do the bare minimum work that is required of them. They are emotionally numb and keep much distance between their own self and others.


The article highlighted important areas in the childhood of type 9 enneagrams by defining their relation with their parents and how they react to conflict. It also identified the effects of an abnormal childhood on adult life on this enneagram.

Frequently Asked Questions: The Childhood of Enneagram Type 9

What do enneagram type 9’s need to hear?

The type 9 enneagram needs to hear that they matter and so do their emotions and thoughts. 

Why does a type 9 enneagram go into stress?

The type 9 enneagram goes into stress because they experience conflict around themselves or they are afraid of losing their close ones.

How to help a disturbed type 9 enneagram child?

You can help a disturbed type 9 enneagram child by spending time with them, showing them that there are conflict free places in life and by trying to do things they would like.


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