I experimented with a guy (What should I do?)

In this blog, we will discuss what you can do after you have experimented with a guy. 

We will also explore whether it is normal to experiment with men if you are also a straight male, and how to maneuver around the various consequences of this experience. 

What should I do after I experimented with a guy?

If you are a male who has experimented with another guy and you have found this experience confusing and you are unsure how to proceed, here are a few things you can do to help yourself.

Understand that this is common

What you have experienced in experimenting sexualy with another man is more common than you think. 

While why you have engaged in this experience is something to explore, one must understand that there are many other individuals who consider themselves as “straight” who might have engaged in sexual expeirneces with other men.

It is quiet common for people to undergo sexual experimentation stating from an early age- as early as preschool years and this experimentation occurs as the individual grows into an adult with people of the opposite sex or with the same sex.

It is a normal process of sexual exploration, however it can feel daunting if you have engaged exploration with another man due to internalised homophobia and the stigma around same sex relationships but rest assured that this is a common experience even if not many men tlak about it.

Work on reducing internalized shame.

Now that you understand that same sex experimentation is common and often natural process of getting to know yourself and your sexual preferences. 

However, this confusion you feel might be a result of your internalised perspectives towards homosexuality and gay relaitonships. This can be because of your exposure to homophobic views and beliefs which you have internalised along the way.

Stigma can be a major reason as to why you feel shame after experiementing with another guy, rather than this being a process of learning who you are- the internalised beliefs about gay sex can cause immense shame,

What you can do to help yourself is to explore your own beliefs and understand why you are struggling to accept this experiment as a process of understanding yourself. 

If you have liked the time you spent with your male partner, the guilt and shame you might feel could be because you have these misconceptions about homosexuality. It can also be because you feel guilty and ashamed if you have cheated on your partner.

Taking the time to explore the reasons for your shame can be a way to understand yourself better and naming the internalised homophobia can be one of the first things you can do to help yourself accept who you are. 

Educate yourself.

One of the best ways you can reduce the impact of internalised homophobia and shame is to understand sexuality in general. 

Taking the time to educate yourself about secuality- the specturm of secualtuiy and how all of these kinds of sexal exoereinces are infact normal and nothing to be ashamed of. 

While the sex education that you might have recieved when you were younger might not have been inclusive of this spectrum, there has been strides made in this field by present communities and acivtites that are working on creating awareness.

You can also indulge in reading a few books to educate yourself about sexuality such as Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly and Chris Donaghue’s book Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture.

Recognize you might not have a big “aha” moment.

Now, if you have experimented with a male partner to understand yourself more and to explore your own doubts about your secuality, it is possible that you might not have had instant realisation that you are gay or bi-sexual. 

This particular feeling can leave you more confused about your own sexual satisfaction and desires. It is okay to feel that way, it is also quite common and what it signals seems to be more exploration and understanding about sexuality. 

Taking the time to educate yourself and develop a kinder look at your own seuality and desires instead of guilt and shame can be one way to help yourself gain clarity. 

Talk to a therapist

You can also reach out to a therapist or a sex therapist if you are greatly concerned about your experience and you find the need for greater clarity. 

Talking to a therapist can help you explore sexuality and your own sedual needs and desires. While it might seem daunting, an informed and ethical therapist will keep things confidential while guiding you through the process of self understanding and acceptance.

So take the courage to do good by yourself and make an appointment with a therapist to help yourself develop a healthier understanding of your own sexuality. 

Understand that You can try it, not like it, and you’re still straight.

Just because you have engaged in sex with another man does not mean that this exploration binds you to a label. 

You can experiment and not like it, but this doesnt mean that you are gay- no matter how many times you have explereimented or what partners you have experienmented with. 

If you come to the conclusion that you do not like gay sex or men sexuality after experimentation, then you are just as straight as a man who’s never experimented. 

Why do men experiment with another man?

Dr.Silva in his research for his book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America, he investigated a sample of men who has had sex with another man while sitll identifying themselves as straight. 

In his reseach, he explored the experiences of men who have had sex with atleast two or more men who still sees themselves as straight and his fidnings indicated that there is a disconnect between their identity and behavipur. 

The research highlighted two seperated issues of why men identify as straight if they have sex with other men, and the second issue of why straight men would have sex with other men in the first place.

His findings indicated the following:

  • Sex with other men allowed these male indviduaks to skirt around the notion of infidelity meaning that most of these men reasonsed that having sex with another man as a man did not really count as cheating. 

The participants in his research reasoned that they were sexually dissatisfied in their relationship ith their female partner and because they wanted to remain married, they engaged in sex with other men to help meet their needs without the threat of emotional attachment which might threaten their marriages. 

They believed that men were less attached and were less clingy than women- stereotypical beliefs-due to which they thought it was “safer”.

  • Another crucial finding in Silva’s research was the fact that their identity as a straight man impacted the way they perceived their “encounters” with other men. 

These individuals genueintly saw themselves as heterosexual, and believed that their hetrosecual relationships best reflecyed their identity. 

Their connectiosn to heterosexual communities and their understanding of their own masculitinty was best reflected by their female-male relationships.They felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their identities.

  • Another interesting finding in this particular research explores the reasons for experimentation related to the notions of masculinity.

Some men enjoyed sex with them because they were not expected to be in control all the time like they are when having sex with their female partners.

  • Several single men in the sample also cited that they sought out sex with other men because they were lonely and did not know how to expereince human touch platonically and found that doing it with other men would allow them to engage in sex wihtout the thread of feelings becing involved. 

What if your partner can’t accept that you experimented with men?

If you have experimented with another man while being in a relationship with a woman, it can be difficult to bring up the conversation with your partner to clear the air about the issue. 

If your partner, female, is unable to accept that you have experimented with another man there are two things for you to consider:

Do you want to be with a person who judges you for your past? Or someone who accepts you as an ever evolving, dynamic human being with curiosities and needs?

Understanding what you want from a partner can be one way to help you gain clarity over what you can do about this partner who is not able to accept your past experiences. 

If her inability to accept comes from her own believes and non-acceptance about the spetrum that is sexuality, it could be possible that your partner is homophobic and might react negatively towards your experiences in the furture. 

If your partner is having trouble dealing with the idea of you experimenting with another guy, the healthy thing to do is to clarify what’s behind her concern- what about it is making it difficult for her to accept it?

She might be afriad that you will leave her for another man or may feel uncomfortable with certain sexual acts- it is important to explore these issues with your partner to help the relationship grow. 

You can also do her a favor and educate her about sexuality and how common it is for people to experiment and explore their sexuality which can help her understand where you were coming from to engage in experimentation.

Conclusion

In this blog, we have discussed what you can do after you have experimented with a guy. 

We have also explored whether it is normal to experiment with men if you are also a straight male, and how to maneuver around the various consequences of this experience. 

References

Silva.T. Why some straight men have sex with other men, Theconversation. May 11, 2021. Retrieved on 3rd Dec 2021. https://theconversation.com/why-some-straight-men-have-sex-with-other-men-160140

Zane. Z. So You’re Feeling a Little Bicurious. We’re Here to Help! 8 expert tips for exploring your sexuality. MensHealth. OCT 18, 2019. Retrieved on 3rd dec 2021. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a29501611/bicurious-men-tips/

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): I Experimented With A Guy

Is it Gay to experiment with another guy?

No, it is not gay to experiment with another guy, it can be classified as bisexual at best, but experimentation with sexuality is not something that definitely means that the person surely identifies with the sexual orientation of being gay.

Whether you want to experiment with another guy you should do it, because if you are in fact gay, you will only be able to figure out if you are when you experiment or explore your sexuality.

How common is it to experiment with another guy?

It is not that common for guys to experiment with another guy, but it is not rare either, however, when guys experiment with other guys they may be more likely to go in denial about the experience due to how society looks at homosexuality in guys.

It can be more common for guys to experiment with another guy when they are in places where there isn’t as much stigma about sexual relationships and relationships that involve experimentation are not ostracized.

Do all boys experiment with homosexuality?

No, all boys don’t experiment with homosexuality,but often that is a function of the way society tends to think of homosexuality in boys and the fact that exerimentation of a homosexual nature in boys is stigmatized much more than that in girls.

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