I miss my dad(3 things to do)

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This blog lists out various things you can do when you miss your dad.

What to do when you miss your dad?

Missing a parent who is far away or is deceased is never easy. It is difficult to be away from someone who has been a major part of your life.

There are times even when our fathers were not really a great parent while for others, they others were their best support. Irrespective of the context- there are dadents when we are drowned out by grief of having been separated from them.

Here are a few things that you can do to cope when you miss your dad:

Allow yourself to be sad

When you miss someone, allow yourself to miss them, to grieve them, and to be sad. DOn’t question it, don’t stop yourself from it- instead allow yourself to feel everything and anything. 

You might feel sadness and along with this anger of having been separated, despair that the thought that you might never see them again, and you might be so afraid of having to live life without them. 

When you feel all of this, and more- allow it. The only way to heal as you grieve is through these feelings,

Revisit places and things they loved

If you miss your dad and you are grieving him, one of the things you can do to remember him and allow yourself to grieve is to revisit places that you have been with him- or places he likes going to. 

This little exercise allows you to walk in his shoes, and experience what he enjoyed. Parts of you will be surprised to learn parts of him that you didn’t know about. 

Fathers were individuals themselves once, and at times as children we forget who they were apart from them being our fathers. So revisit places they have been or places you went together, this time for yourself to feel closeness to your father who is separated from you. 

Watch a show or movie that you’d normally watch with him

When you miss your dad, one thing that you can do is do something he liked doing- like watching his favourite show, or playing his favourite board games. 

If he is available to spend time with you- most probably he is- get on a video call and watch the shows together.

Go on social media

If your dad was a “facebook dad”, it is pretty much guaranteed that he has been recording his life and his life with you on social media through posts, pictures, videos etc. 

So when you miss him, go on his social media and check out his posts and blogs- at times you realise and learn who he was apart from being a dad and celebrate the fact that he was or is a man- independent and individual in his own right. 

If your father is alive, make a note of what he likes so that the next time you see him, you can sit and have a conversation about his interest. 

Cook/bake something he makes

The best way to relive memories of your father is to relive it through your kitchen. Fathers, on the grill, are often really good cooks and their food tends to be the most comforting.

So the next time you miss your dad, go to the kitchen and make something that he usually makes during picnics or when you are unwell.

Relish these foods and spend time with the memories of him being your father who cared for you through the act of cooking and feeding you. 

If your father is separated from you, but fortunately still alive- call him and ask him to send you his recipes or, take one step further and have a video call session with him where he walks you through the entire process of making his famous dish. 

Maybe, this can be a shared tradition between you and your dad. 

Remember Him

When you miss your dad, don’t run away from these painful feelings- no matter how difficult. Instead, stay with your feelings and remember her for who he was and who he is to you. 

If you have lost your fathim, take out old photographs, watch old views, and pull out the blanket he made for you. Relish in these memories, and let yourself be covered in them.

When people die, the only way they live on is through our memories. Remembering him will not take away the fact that he is gone, nor will it take away the pain but it will allow you to relive the time you had with him and that can be aless difficult way to grief.

If you have been separated from your father for whatever reason and you cannot talk to him immediately, do the same thing- remember him and what he has been to you. you might feel gratitgies, and you might feel anger, and at times you might feel a little guilty too.

Stay with these emotions and the next time you talk to him, express these feelings to him with the intent to help the relationships grow.

Listen to his side of the story and open yourself to accepting that he is human and he is flawed as well as the possibility that he has simply been trying to do his best. 

Sink into the love of those present

If you find yourself missing your father and it is becoming especially difficult, take advantage of the love that is given to you by those who are present. 

Be it spending time with your father or spending time with your siblings and friends; give yourself the chance to relish in their love and to feel supported and loved. 

Yes they will never replace the bond that you have had with your father, they might never come close, but that does not mean that their love is not real. 

Open your eyes and your heart to their support and their care, even if it is so difficult to do so right now.

You allowing yourself to find comfort in someone else does not mean that it will erase the love of your father nor will it take away the pain of longing for him. But what it can do is to make the experience less painful.

So when your siblings ask you if you want to watch TV with them, join them and when you find your other parent sitting alone in their thoughts, give them company and allow yourself to be loved and supported while doing the same for the people around you.

Write him a letter

Another way to cope with your feelings of longing and sadness is to write him a letter. 

Rax King for Glamour, wrote an article about how they coped with their father’s death by sending letters to his father’s email address. You can read this story here

While you know that this letter might reach her, this letter cna be a way to communicate your feelings to him and help you put words into what you feel. 

You can choose to burn the letter or keep it as a way to record how you felt. In the case that your father is alive, but far away, you can even send it across to him if you want to express how you feel.

Visit family

If you have been feeling life you miss your dad especially hard recently, consider visiting your family who also have iced through experiences with your father. 

Visiting family, spending time with them, sharing a meal or a cup of coffee with them to reminisce and remember your father for who he was can be a great way to get through your feelings of sadness while also celebrating your father for the person he was when he was alive. 

If you and your father are estranged for whatever reason, spending time with your siblings or your other parents can also be a way to help you deal with difficult emotions without having to be alone. 

Talk to a professional

If you miss someone, be it because of grief, seperation, or because of whatever reason that stops you from reaching out to them and it is causing you much distress, another option that you have is to talk to someone about it. 

You can talk to your friends or other family members, however there comes a point where you find that none of it helps, and this is where a professional counsellor comes into the picture.

Counselling can help you go through your difficult feelings of loss and grief as well as help you manage to work out relationship issues with your father if he is alive.

Speaking to a counsellor can help you manage your feelings of regret, anger, loss, and also help you move forward in life. 

Accept the truth of healing

One of the major milestones that one can get through while healing after a loss, is to accept that the pain never completely goes away. 

You might feel better after a few days or months or years of grieving and at times you might also be happy. However there will always be a hole in the shape of your father in your soul and that is completely okay. 

Healing is to go through the pain of the hurt you feel, it does not guarantee that you will be patched up and the pain will go away completely.

To heal is to accept that missing your dad will be something that you experience for the rest of your life but it does not have to be so painful all the time. 

One day, as you heal, you will miss your father with joy in your heart, with anger, with pain, and some days you will simply miss your father without having any other difficult feelings- and all of it is okay.

Conclusion

The blog lists out a few things you can do to cope when you miss your dad. 

What to do when you miss your father?

The one thing that you can do when you miss your father is to allow yourself to miss him, sit with these feelings and reminisce about the time you had with your father- both the good and the bad. 

How do I connect to my dad who passed away?

One of the ways you can communicate with your dad who passed away is to write him a letter. 

While you know that this letter will never reach him, this letter can be a way to communicate your feelings to him and help you put words into what you feel. You can choose to burn the letter or keep it as a way to record how you felt. 

How do I say I miss my dad?

The best way to tell your father that you miss him, is to tell her exactly what you feel: “i miss you.”

Do you ever get over losing a parent?

One of the major milestones that one can get through while healing after a loss, is to accept that the pain never completely goes away. 

You might feel better after a few days or months or years of grieving and at times you might also be happy. However there will always be a hole in the shape of your father in your soul and that is completely okay. 

References

4 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your mom. BlossomTips. Retrieved on 12 feb 2022. https://blossomtips.com/i-miss-my-mom-and-its-not-mothers-day/

Things you can do when you’re missing your mom. The daily Clog. Retrieved on 12 Feb 2022. https://www.dailycal.org/2018/01/24/things-can-youre-missing-mom/

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