I miss my mom (what to do)

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This blog lists out various things you can do when you miss your mom.

What to do when you miss your mom?

Missing a parent who is far away or is deceased is never easy. It is difficult to be away from someone who has been a major part of your life.

There are times even when our mothers were not really a great parent while for others, they others were their best support. Irrespective of the context- there are moments when we are drowned out by grief of having been separated from them.

Here are a few things that you can do to cope when you miss your mom:

Allow yourself to be sad

When you miss someone, allow yourself to miss them, to grieve them, and to be sad. DOn’t question it, don’t stop yourself from it- instead allow yourself to feel everything and anything. 

You might feel sadness and along with this anger of having been separated, despair that the thought that you might never see them again, and you might be so afraid of having to live life without her. 

When you feel all of this, and more- allow it. The only way to heal as you grieve is through these feelings,

Revisit places and things they loved

If you miss your mom and you are grieving her, one of the things you can do to remember her and allow yourself to grieve is to revisit places that you have been with her- or places she likes going to. 

This little exercise allows you to walk in her shoes, and experience what she enjoyed. Parts of you will be surprised to learn parts of her that you didn’t know about. 

Mothers were individuals themselves once, and at times as children we forget who they were apart from them being our mothers. So revisit places they have been or places you went together, this time for yourself to feel closeness to your mother who is separated from you. 

Watch a show or movie that you’d normally watch with her

When you miss your mom, one thing that you can do is do something she liked doing- like watching her favourite show. 

If she is available to spend time with you- most probably she is- get on a video call and watch the shows together

Go on social media

If your mom was a “facebook mom”, it is pretty much guaranteed that she has been recording her life and her life with you on social media through posts, pictures, videos etc. 

So when you miss her, go on her social media and check out her posts and blogs- at times you realise and learn who she was apart from being a mom and celebrate the fact that she was or is a woman- independent and individual in her own right. 

If your mother is alive, make a note of what she likes so that the next time you see her, you can sit and have a conversation about her interest. 

Cook/bake something she makes

The best way to relive memories of your mother is to relive it through your itchen. Mothers (and fathers) are often really good cooks and their food tends to be the most comforting.

So the next time you miss your mom, go to the kitchen and make something that she usually makes for you when you are sick or when you are hungry. 

Relish these foods and spend time with the memories of her being your mother who cared for you through the act of cooking and feeding you. 

If your mother is separated from you, but fortunately still alive- call her ptut and ask her to send you her recipes or, take one step further and have a video call session with her where she walks you through the entire process of making her famous dish. 

Maybe, this can be a shared tradition between you and your mom. 

Remember her

When you miss your mom, don’t run away from these painful feelings- no matter how difficult. Instead, stay with your feelings and remember her for who she was and who she is to you. 

If you have lost your mother, take out old photographs, watch old views, and pull out the blanket she made for you. Relish in these memories, and let yourself be covered in them.

When people die, the only way they live on is through our memories. Remembering her will not take away the fact that she is gone, nor will it take away the pain but it will allow you to relive the time you had with her and that can be aless difficult way to grief.

If you have been separated from your mother for whatever reason and you cannot talk to her immediately, do the same thing- remember her and what she has been to you. you might feel gratitgies, and you might feel anger, and at times you might feel a little guilty too.

Stay with these emotions and the next time you talk to her, express these feelings to her with the intent to help the relationships grow.

Listen to her side of the story and open yourself to accepting that she is human and she is flawed as well as the possibility that she has simply been trying to do her best. 

Sink into the love of those present

If you find yourself missing your mother and it is becoming especially difficult, take advantage of the love that is given to you by those who are present. 

Be it spending time with your father or spending time with your siblings and friends; give yourself the chance to relish in their love and to feel supported and loved. 

Yes they will never replace the bond that you have had with your mother, they might never come close, but that does not mean that their love is not real. 

Open your eyes and your heart to their support and their care, even if it is so difficult to do so right now.

You allowing yourself to find comfort in someone else does not mean that it will erase the love of your mother nor will it take away the pain of longing for her. But what it can do is to make the experience less painful.

So when your siblings ask you if you want to watch TV with them, join them and when you find your other parent sitting alone in their thoughts, give them company and allow yourself to be loved and supported while doing the same for the people around you.

Write her a letter

Another way to cope with your feelings of longing and sadness is to write her a letter. 

While you know that this letter might reach her, this letter cna be a way to communicate your feelings to her and help you put words into what you feel. 

You can choose to burn the letter or keep it as a way to record how you felt. In the case that your mother is alive, but far away, you can even send it across to her if you want to express how you feel.

Visit family

If you have been feeling life you miss your mom especially hard recently, consider visiting your family who also have iced through experiences with your mother. 

Visiting family, spending time with them, sharing a meal or a cup of coffee with them to reminisce and remember your mother for who she was can be a great way to go though your feelings of sadness while also celebrating your mother for the person she was when she was alive. 

If you and your mother are estranged for whatever reason, spending time with your siblings or your other parents can also be a way to help you deal with difficult emotions without having to be alone. 

Talk to a professional

If you miss someone, be it because of grief, seperation, or because of whatever reason that stops you from reaching out to them and it is causing you much distress, another option that you have is to talk to someone about it. 

You can talk to your friends or other family members, however there comes a point where you find that none of it helps, and this is where a professional counsellor comes into the picture.

Counselling can help you go through your difficult feelings of loss and grief as well as help you manage to work out relationship issues with your mother if she is alive.

Speaking to a counsellor can help you manage your feelings of regret, anger, loss, and also help you move forward in life. 

Accept the truth of healing

One of the major milestones that one can get through while healing after a loss, is to accept that the pain never completely goes away. 

You might feel better after a few days or months or years of grieving and at times you might also be happy. However there will always be a hole in the shape of your mother in your soul and that is completely okay. 

Healing is to go through the pain of the hurt you feel, it does not guarantee that you will be patched up and the pain will go away completely.

To heal is to accept that missing your mom will be something that you experience for the rest of your life but it does not have to be so painful all the time. 

One day, as you heal, you will miss your mother with joy in your heart, with anger, with pain, and some days you will simply miss your mother without having any other difficult feelings- and all of it is okay.

Conclusion

The blog lists out a few things you can do to cope when you miss your mom. 

FAQ related to “I miss my Mom”

How do I connect to my mom who passed away?

One of the ways you can communicate with your mom who passed away is to write her a letter. 

While you know that this letter might reach her, this letter cna be a way to communicate your feelings to her and help you put words into what you feel. You can choose to burn the letter or keep it as a way to record how you felt. 

How do I say I miss my mom?

The best way to tell your mother that you miss her, is to tell her exactly what you feel: “i miss you.”

If that is too difficult or foreign for you, send her flowers.

Do you ever get over losing a parent?

One of the major milestones that one can get through while healing after a loss, is to accept that the pain never completely goes away. 

You might feel better after a few days or months or years of grieving and at times you might also be happy. However there will always be a hole in the shape of your mother in your soul and that is completely okay. 

References

4 Ways to Cope When You Miss Your Mom. BlossomTips. Retrieved on 12 feb 2022. https://blossomtips.com/i-miss-my-mom-and-its-not-mothers-day/

Things you can do when you’re missing your mom. The daily Clog. Retrieved on 12 Feb 2022. https://www.dailycal.org/2018/01/24/things-can-youre-missing-mom/

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