I wish I was never born, what should I do?

In this brief blog we will discuss what you can do if you are thinking “I wish I was never born”.

We will also briefly touch upon what leads other people to wish that they were never born. 

I wish I was never born, what should I do?

If you have been thinking “I wish I was never born”, it sounds like you could be feeling utterly hopeless about your current situation. 

This feeling of hopelessness and despair can be overwhelming to the point where you no longer want to partake in life, however, if you wish to; we invite you to consider the following steps towards hope and optimism:

Ask yourself what you want

The first thing that you can do is to ask yourself what you want in life or what you want that you believe is lacking in your career, your relationship, or whatever issue is making you feel such despair.

Take time to really reflect on what it is that you want- it doesn’t have to be something big; it could be something as simple as “I want some peace and quiet” or it could be something like “I want to feel loved.”

Take a notebook, write down what it is that you want- something that could make you feel less hopeless. 

Some other questions you can ask yourself are:

  • What do you want?
  • What do you want instead of the problem?
  • What do you want from counselling?

Ask yourself what you have been doing

Now, this might be hard to take but you have to understand that only you can turn your life around. 

While it is true that various circumstances in your life can be causing you much distress- for example; Your entire family comes to you for their needs which robs you of your peace or that your partner does not do romantic things for you. 

You have to understand that you also play a part in your current circumstances, so ask yourself what have you been doing to keep yourself from getting what it is that you want. 

It could be something like: “I have not been able to assertively tell my family that I need time to wind down from work before I listen to their issues.” or it could also be as simple as “I haven’t told my partner what is it that i like or want from them”

Some questions you can ask yourself as you take notice of what you have been doing so are include:

  • What are you doing, thinking, feeling in terms of getting what you want or in terms of how it is holding you back from what you want?
  • When you act this way, what are you thinking?

Evaluate what you have been doing

The next thing you can do is to evaluate what you have been doing so far and how it is impacting your life.

Here you take time to be honest with yourself and understand how much of what you are doing is affecting you versus how much you think the world around you is impacting your life. 

Ask yourself the following things:

  • Is what you are doing, helping you get what you want?
  • Is it taking you in the direction you want to go?

Make a plan

Once you have evaluated what you have been doing so far, the next thing you can do is to make a plan of action. 

This means that you create a plan to help you get what you want out of your life so that you are less miserable, less in despair and more motivated to create a life that you want.

Your plan should be small, measurable, achievable, realistic, tangible, and time bound. Make sure that your plans and goals are broken down into smaller goals and smaller plans and reward yourself when you achieve your targets. 

For example, if you have trouble saying no to your family and have a hard time setting boundaries- you can make a plan to proactive it with other people in your place of work first or amongst your friends first. 

Then you can set boundaries with each of your family members one by one instead of all together. 

Another example could be, you taking the time to learn how to communicate with your partner effectively and practising that with your friends or with your partner over small issues before working your way up towards what you really want from them.

Challenge your negative thoughts

When you come across a thought that is itries=ive and distressing, don’t suppress it or try to reject it. 

Instead acknowledge its existence in your mind and identify them for what they are- intrusive thoughts that are not really what you believe in, nor is it something that reflects your desire. 

Once you’ve let yourself be with these thoughts, replace these thoughts with something positive, something real. 

Take time to notice what is happening in the present. Instead of focusing on the what ifs, focus on what is and what you are doing at the moment and who you are in the present. 

Make positive lifestyle changes

Take care of yourself. Avoid drinking and doing drugs, instead eat a healthy diet that is full of nutrients and engage in exercise- this can be walks, joining the gym, or running a marathon. 

Make changes that benefit your physical health as well as allow you to engage with a positive crowd. If you think socialisation is not something you want to do, then there are plenty of exercises that you can do alone. 

Make sure you get good sleep by developing a healthy sleep hygiene as well. 

Focus on your strengths. 

Instead of spending your time on your negative thoughts or anticipating your intrusive thoughts, take time and effort to explore your positieve assets. Do this by journaling what strengths you have and this does not have to limit only to abilities but also innate strengths that a person has such as loyalty, civic sense, etc. 

Take time to develop an awareness of your strengths and appreciate yourself for them while also striving to build on these strengths and using them to overcome your challenges. 

Consider therapy

If your symptoms are debilitating or severe to the point where it is getting in the way of your day to day life, the most advisable thing you can do is to seek treatment from a mental health professional.

Develop mindfulness

Mindfulness is a state of being and more proficiently a way of life where the individual actively imagines in the act of cultivating full awareness of the present. It can help you to actively divert your mind from pessimism and focus on more optimistic things in your life. 

You can develop mindfulness through the following exercises:

  • Mindful Walking by taking  a walk outside or around your room and start by paying attention to the sensation of your feet in contact with the ground. 

Next, expand your awareness to the sounds and smells. 

Also, expand your vision to what you see. 

Next,  let go of other distractions and walk, as if being mindful of every step is vitally important. (Ackerman, positive psychology)

  • Square Breathing For this exercise, you start by breathing in for four seconds. Then, hold your breath for four seconds, then breathe out for another four seconds. Repeat four times.

What does it mean when someone says “I wish I was never born” ?

When someone says “I wish I was never born” it could mean a few things, some of them include:

They are stressed and struggling with certain challenges in their life. They are at the end of their tether and they are feeling hopeless in the face of the challenges that they are experiencing. 

It is indicative of despair that one feels about their feelings of hopelessness which means that they are unable to think of a solution or resolve problems in their life. 

They might be overwhelmed by these challenges and the situation may seem too big for them so they want to escape this by wishing they simply never existed. 

They might be feeling unsupported, isolated, and alienated in their social life, and in their circumstances. Their problems and lack of empathy for others can make them feel hopeless about their own situation. 

They might be so angered about the circumstances of their life that they direct that anger towards themselves.

Conclusion

In this brief blog we will discuss what you can do if you are thinking “I wish I was never born”.

We will also briefly touch upon what leads other people to wish that they were never born. 

FAQ related to I wish I was never born

Why do I wish I was never born?

If you wish that you were never born, the most probably reason is that you are stressed and struggling with certain challenges in your life. You might be at the end of their tether and are feeling hopeless in the face of the challenges that you are experiencing. 

It is indicative of despair that one feels about their feelings of hopelessness which means that they are unable to think of a solution or resolve problems in their life. 

How do you respond to wishing I was never born?

If someone says “I wish I was never born” the best thing you can do in response is to ask them “what makes you say that?”.

Once they give you the full picture by opening up to why they feel this way, you can let them know that you are there for them if they are in need of support.

You can also ask them what you can do for them, and encourage them to talk about how they are feeling. 

What to say to someone who says they wish they were dead?

If someone wishes they were dead, you can respond with empathy- let them know that they are not alone and that you are present for them if they need support.

Let them know that you understand that they are having a hard time but they don’t have to go through it alone. 

References

What It’s Like to Wish You’d ‘Never Been Born’. The Mighty. Retrieved on 1st march 2022.https://themighty.com/2018/08/i-wish-i-had-never-been-born/

Tucker.J. 7 Steps to Overcome Daily Despair and Start Living Again. Tiny buddha. Retrieved on 28th feb 2022.https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-steps-to-overcome-daily-despair-and-start-living-again/

Getting Started with Mindfulness. Mindful.org. Retrieved on 1st march 2022 https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/

Ackerman.C. 22 Mindfulness Exercises, Techniques & Activities For Adults (+ PDF’s). Positive psychology.Retrieved on 1st march 2022. https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/

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