What is an INFJ door slam?

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This blog post will explore what the INFJ door slam is. 

We will also briefly discuss why the door slam occurs as well as what the various stages of an INFJ door slam are.

What is an INFJ door slam?

The INFJ door slam refers to when the INFJ cuts someone out of their lives as a way to protect themselves. 

What sets the INFJ door slam apart from that of other people cutting off people from their lives is that INFJs tend to do it frequently and with high intensity. 

This door slam often involves emotionally cutting out people as in they might have to see and engage with the individual frequently due to being co-workers or needing hours or being part of the same social circle, however, they will minimise their interaction with them. 

This form of empaitonal door slamming involves INFJs no longer being vulnerable around them as a way to protect themselves. 

ANother form of door slam will involve complete cut off from them- that means no contact, no spending time, no social media engagement, as well as remove all traces of this individual from their lives.

Why does the INFJ door slam occur?

The INFJ door slam occurs when the INFJ feels hurt or threatened. Usually it happens when the INFJ feels or experiences themselves to be extremely hurt and wounded by someone else to the point that they can no longer tolerate them. 

They do it to protect themselves and oftentimes because INFJs tend to have a hard time with confrontation, they tend to use door slams as a way to express their hurt as well as to protect themselves while avoiding confrontation. 

It usually happens when the INFJ is at the end of their tether and that they are unable to see any other way of dealing with other people’s behaviours.

It often occurs after much thought and after giving the individual many chances, after which they see no change, and then proceed to shut them out or cut them off.

What are the stages of the INFJ door slam?

As mentioned above, the INFJ door slam usually occurs as a last resort and that too after much deliberation. The stages that lead up to the door slam include:  

Dealing with the toxicity.

In this stage, the INFJ will tolerate the toxicity, they will empathise to the point of burning out and they will try to put the needs of others before themselves.

This is all done to maintain harmony as well as to avoid conflict in the relationship. 

Giving them a second chance.

Because they tend to be extremely empathetic and nurturing, they will give the individual a second chance after they have confronted them.

Reduced emotional investment. 

Even if they have given them a second chance, they will be emotionally guarded and will not be as emotionally open and vulnerable towards the other individual. 

The door slammed.

Now, if the toxicity continues and they find that the relationship and the other individual has ot changed or has made no efforts to change, they will cut off- first mentally and then outwardly.

The fall-out.

This stage is after the door slam and occurs when the INFJ begins to move out with no intention to allow the individual in, the INFJ feels like they do not care nor do they have any empathy for the other individual. 

Here their behaviours towards the person changes, along with their emotions and thoughts- the INFJ is no longer affected by the other person nor do they want to associate with this person. 

Can the Door Ever Be Opened Again?

Most likely not. Once the INFJ door has been slammed shut, it is unlikely that they will reconnect mostly because the door slam happens after they are completely sure that there is no other way to deal with the individual. 

However, it is possible that the door might open in two kinds of circumstances:

If the individual has completely changed and has proven themselves as changed and are no longer able to hurt the individual. This can uncle the INFJ securing their boundaries with this individual in ways that allows them to be cordial and at the same time assertive with their own needs and safety. 

Or in the case that the INFJ has closed the door too quickly without taking the time to really understand what is happening. Though this scenario is unlikely, it can happen for INFJs who have faced traumatic and abusive relationships in the past. 

In this second case, the INFJ with much coaxing and courage might begin to understand the circumstance objectively and open up to give the individual a second chance if they see the relationship as valuable. 

What is an INFJ?

An INFJ is an individual who identifies as a male whose personality involves being an introvert, who relies on intuition to understand the world around them, is attuned with their feelings in the process of decision making, and lives an organised lifestyle.

They are usually people who tend to be someone who spends their time alone and usually spend their energy and resources reflecting and focusing on their internal world. 

They are deep thinkers who prefer to think and act and are usually able to think outside of the box and innovate new ideas while considering solutions for various problems.

These types of personality also tend to be people who allow their values and feelings to influence their decision making and are usually highly organised and structured in the way they live their life. 

What are the characteristics of an INFJ?

The characteristics of an INFJ individual include the following:

  • They do not fit into traditional roles nor do they want to fit in these roles. INFJ usually follow their own beliefs and rules of conduct that they stick to and do not like to be forced into following someone else’s rules. 
  • They are often adamant in living life on their own terms and often choose to live their life differently from others. They also strongly believe that people should live their own unique lives and do not like to witness others being forced into a box and usually advocate for their independence as much as theirs. 
  • While INFJs are not overly emotional, they are intuitive with their emotions though they prefer to keep their feelings to themselves thus, making them independently efficient in regulating their emotions. 
  • INFJ are usually compassionate and often come to help others when they are in need. In fact they enjoy being of help to others and contributing their skills and abilities to aid other people. Their compassion is what makes such men strong and warm and this particular aspect makes them very good friends, family members, and partners. 
  • INFJs are often very nurturing people who take time to nurture and support other people. They enjoy the ability to be of support, empathise, and comfort for others. 
  • INFJs are independent and usually prefer to keep to themselves meaning that they do not socialise as much as other individuals might and they prefer to be private in the way they experience their lives and their feelings. 
  • They prefer quiet time and choose to keep only a few people close to them. They prefer to have deep and loyal friendships as opposed to having many friends or people around them. 

Conclusion

This blog post has explored what the INFJ door slam is. 

We have also briefly discussed why the door slam occurs as well as what the various stages of an INFJ door slam are.

FAQ related to INFJ compatibility

Is the INFJ door slam healthy?

If the INFJ has chosen to door slam after they have resolved their feelings and are at peace with this decision then it is healthy. However if the INFJ uses the door slam to avoid confrontations and avoid dealing with their feelings then it is going to harm them more than resolve the problem.

Can you come back from an INFJ door slam?

Most likely not. Once the INFJ door has been slammed shut, it is unlikely that they will reconnect mostly because the door slam happens after they are completely sure that there is no other way to deal with the individual. 

Who should INFJ a Marry?

The most compatible personality for an INFJ is an ENTP and  ENFP.  Marriages between these two couples will share compatibility and their differences will compliment each other in a way that encourages them to develop a balance individually as well as a couple. 

What is the INFJ personality like?

An INFJ is an individual who identifies as a male whose personality involves being an introvert, who relies on intuition to understand the world around them, is attuned with their feelings in the process of decision making, and lives an organised lifestyle.

Is INFJ the most rare?

Yes, INFJs are the most rare personality type with only 1.5 percent of the general population fitting into this category.

Is INFJ T rarer than INFJ A?

No, the INFJ-A is more rare than the INFJ-T.

What careers should INFJ avoid?

Some careers that INFJs should avoid include:

  • A career that demands an immediate response like customer service, Emergency services. 
  • A career that feels routine and stagnant like clerical roles
  • A career that doesn’t make money.
  • Careers that have no humanitarian values
  • Careers in military and politics

What are some unhealthy INFJ traits?

Some unhealthy INFJ traits are:

  • people pleasing
  • self absorbed
  • No tolerance for conflict
  • Impulsive behaviours 
  • Tendency to be perfectionist
  • Tendency to cut people off

Are INFJs ever happy?

INFJs, though known for being the broody and distant individual, they are happy. In fact, INFJs are often happiest when they are helping others- advocating for them, helping them, and supporting them to progress in life. 

Why is Infj so special?

What makes INFJs so special is because of their intuition that they are able to make sense of people’s true colours and build relationships based on that. They are able to see people for what they are and either support them inspire of what they hide.

Are INFJs positive?

INFJs are hardworking and positive in their mindset however, they tend to be less optimistic and more realistic however, they tend to be positive about other people’s natures meaning that they nurture and care for others without much negative criticisms when they are in a healthy state of mind.

References

Cherry.K. INFJ: The Advocate (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) An Overview of the INFJ Personality Type. Verywell well. Retrieved on 26th January 2022.  https://www.verywellmind.com/infj-introverted-intuitive-feeling-judging-2795978

Owens.M. INFJ. Truity. Retrieved on 26th January 2022. https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INFJ

Yadirichi Oyibo. 5 Terrible Stages of the INFJ Door Slam. Diary of an Introvert. Aug 14, 2021. Retrieved on 26th January 2022. https://www.diaryofanintrovertng.com/blog/infj-door-slam

Granneman.J. What Is the INFJ Door Slam, and Why Do INFJs Do It? Introvert dear. Retrieved on 26th January 2022. https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/

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