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Is Raising Your Voice Abuse? (5 Ways)

This guide will explore why raising your voice is abuse. The article will also discuss how to prevent the situation and how to help yourself when someone is raising their voice at you..

Is Raising Your Voice Considered As Verbal Abuse?

Yes, raising your voice is considered verbal abuse. If it is a habitual pattern, repeatedly done to a person, it can be threatening to them emotionally and psychologically.

Constant and repeated yelling and raising your voice can have long-lasting damage on those around you. This implies that the yeller chooses to continue his behavior to suppress the other person; they are being abusive.

Although very rare, some people may not know when they begin to raise their voice, and they could be doing it to prove their point or for emphasis in the conversation; in that case, raising your voice is not abuse.

The distinguishing factor about when raising your voice is not an abuse lies in the fact of how the other person is being treated, are they allowed to put their stance before him, or is it disrespectful in any way? If the answers to these questions are no and yes, respectively, then indeed, raising your voice is abuse.

Distinguishing Argument And Abuse

While it is essential to resolve conflicts with respect, many people go for unhealthy ways of expressing their discontent, they raise their voices, yell at each other, and are angry. This alone cannot be termed as abuse. Verbal abuse is when arguments are ever-lasting and disproportionate, one person habitually starts the fights to degrade, dominate and belittle the others.

What Are The Signs of Verbal Abuse?

Raising your voice can be abusive if it checks the following criteria:

  • Yelling: Although raising a voice can be normal in arguments but repeated and ongoing yelling can be a concerning cause.
  • Calling names and swearing: Belittling others by calling them names and swearing and hurling curses at them is abusive.
  • Threatening and blackmailing tone: telling or threatening others that there will be severe consequences if they don’t do as they are asked to do– for instance, “ if you hang out with your friends today, don’t think of coming back here.”
  • Ordering or demanding: Ordering the other person to do something without giving them a choice is also considered abuse.
  • Gaslighting: where a person is manipulated into thinking their sanity or perception because of your confusing behavior is, in fact, abusive.
  • Manipulating: Asking the other person to do what you want, often via guilt and emotional trapping. For instance, “if you loved me, you’d do this favor to me.”
  • Blame: always pointing fingers and putting the other person under the bus saying it is their fault the argument started in the first place.
  • Patronizing: saying belittling comments like “you won’t get it, so I’ll explain it to you again.”
  • Passing offensive jokes, insulting, swearing, shaming, or belittling the other person and then brushing it off by saying  “I was only joking,” ”I was kidding,” or “ You’re too sensitive to jokes.”
  • You are refusing to talk to the other person and projecting your own behavior on them, and blaming them for your silence.
  • You are insulting the figures and beliefs of the other person.

Psychological Effects of Being Yelled At

Long term psychological effects of yelling can cause:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Hinders brain development
  • Chronic stress and tension
  • Mental angst
  • Bullying behavior in children
  • Rage and anger, often directed at the victim themselves.
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Alternative Ways to Manage or Prevent Yourself From Raising Your Voice

  • Be Conscious of Your Words 

Refrain yourself from swearing and using explosive words. Try to communicate what you are thinking and feeling without making the other person defensive or angry. In the moment of argument, it can be challenging, but conscious consideration of your words can make a massive difference between a battle and resolution.

  • Do NOT Raise your Voice

When someone is being yelled at, they can feel assaulted. Raising your voice is a form of verbal abuse, and it can be too frightening for all people, irrespective of their age. Children and infants are particularly vulnerable, but no single person likes being in such a situation.

Try to communicate like mature adults and share your feelings without raising your voice to get your message across. Through yelling, you are, in fact, expressing your pain by exhibiting anger. Do Not Do It.

  • Recheck with your Heart

You may want to ask yourself some questions. Are you angry at the situation or the person sitting across? Is it really fair to the other person, or do they deserve your rage? How would it feel to yourself if the other person was talking with you in the same tone and manner? 

Doing a quick reality check with your feelings will perhaps give you a different point of view and help you manage the situation rather than making it a win-lose battle.

  • Communicate Transparently What You Truly Need

If you can be soothed with an apology or a hug, Say it honestly without making a scene out of it. If discussion or clarification is needed on any subject, communicate it to the other person.

It is helpful to open up about your feelings without jeopardizing the situation 

  • Do NOT Drink and Discuss

Alcohol and drugs bring out the person you may not even know or want to be associated with. If drugs and alcohol are involved, the discussion won’t be coming from a clear space. If any of you is under the influence of any substance, try not to have any serious conversation. It may get difficult to remember the rule once you are already pouring your favorite drinks, so it is best to make an agreement that deep and serious conversations should be avoided when either of you decides to drink.  It may prevent the situation from escalating beyond control.

Although it is not always possible to resolve differences, it is important to create a safe space where we can appreciate each other’s opinion, even if you disagree. You can start by discussing the respective boundaries of each person and decide already how you will respectfully resolve conflicts,, without yelling or calling names. Try to listen actively and understand their perspectives, or just sometimes just agree to disagree.

What to do if Someone is Raising Their Voice At You?

You may try some of the following coping methods if someone is raising their voice at you:

  • Try to drift away from the situation. Think of the happy place and focus on that thought.
  • Try to dissociate from the environment by drowning out the voices. This will help you not to be as affected by their actions by ignoring the possibly hurtful things.
  • Recognize and validate your own feelings. Although the yeller is frustrated, that does not imply they have a right to pin their own emotions on others as well. So, it is crucial to identify and validate your own feelings. Don’t discount on your well being to entertain the other person. Try to ground yourself and navigate through your feelings.
  • Breathing is essential to surviving the chaos. Practice meditation and deep breathing. Focusing on your breath to calm your mind and body will help you get out of the problematic situation. It will help you in reducing the physiological reaction coming from your brain after piercing the danger.
  • Don’t take the things said in the heat of the moment too personally. The yeller is mostly in his own emotional turmoil and tries to project their own frustration onto others. In such a case, it is essentially required not to take anything personally. However, it can be challenging, especially when you already have a history where yelling was the norm.
  • Consult a therapist and ask for help. If you think the situation is too overwhelming for you, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Seek a competent counselor to help you manage your emotions effectively. Alternatively, you can express it with your trusted friend or family.
  • If you are facing abuse at home or with your partner and it is impossible to communicate effectively, call a helpline like Victim Connect to get you out of the situation.

Conclusion

This guide explored why raising your voice is abuse and its psychological effects on others. The article also discussed how to prevent the situation and how to help yourself when someone is raising their voice at you.

Raising your voice or yelling behavior is often shown as a need for control. People usually raise their voice in situations where they want to assert dominance, but the motive behind is they feel helpless and stressed. Helplessness can be a powerful yet confusing feeling, where the brain reads the ‘helpless signal’, and it will do anything to minimize it, usually resorting to yelling.

Yelling can be detrimental to the mental and psychological health of those around you, be it kids, your spouse, or friends or family. It can trigger a fight/flight/freeze response in the person. They may even have lasting imprints in their minds that leads to more psychological problems.

Owing to the psychological and emotional consequences of yelling and raising your voice, they are considered verbal abuse.  It is, therefore, necessary to learn to communicate properly and understand your emotions to avoid such situations.

If you have any questions and suggestions regarding how to stop yourself from raising your voice, please reach out to us any time.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQS): Is Raising Your Voice Abuse

Is raising your voice disrespectful?

Yes. Raising your voice all the time is disrespectful. No one wants to be yelled at all the time, and especially not by someone they love. It is hard to process if you express love, but you are exhibiting it in an ugly manner, like a high tone, which tells otherwise.

In any circumstances, learn to communicate and discuss effectively.

What does it mean when someone raises your voice?

It means that somebody is speaking loudly or yelling at you in anger. Usually, people raise their voices to assert dominance over the other person in the conversation. 

Is yelling a sign of abuse?

Yes, yelling is a sign of abuse. Verbal abuse often included insults, name-calling, yelling, belittling the other. Even the prolonged silent treatment is also a type of verbal abuse. As this shows, the yeller is trying to control and punish the victim by withholding communication.

What is worse verbal or physical abuse?

The damage done by emotional and verbal abuse is as bad, if not worse, than physical wounds. The danger is in the invisible emotional damage as it contributes to PTSD, depression, and self-harm.

References

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/yelling-at-kids#effects-on-children

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