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My husband raises his voice at me (5 Tips)

In this brief guide, we’ll look into the details of the problem “My husband raises his voice at me”. It will also provide some alternative ways to deal with and stop this yelling situation at home.

My Husband Raises His Voice At Me

It can be an alarming and unpleasant sight when you are in a screaming and yelling situation. You can feel that yelling is not healthy for your relationships and may yield devastating effects. You may comply with your yelling husband at that specific moment to stop them from yelling, but after things are back to normal, they would revert back, as the yelling did not change your mindset in the long-term. In fact, there is a chance you may get resentful and scared of your husband’s outburst. 

If you find yourself often worried about why your husband raises his voice at you, then you need to explore and discuss with him what is causing this behavior.  Your husband could be raising his voice out of frustration and helplessness, but digging deeper into his emotionally charged state would possibly get some answers. He could be raising his voice because he is depressed or stressed, anger management problems, or out of habit. Often people raise their voice because they have seen such behavior in their childhood and that leaves a psychological impact to behave in a certain way when things go out of control.

Marriage and relationships require mutual effort and communication to make it work in the long run. It can not always be a walk in the park, there are conflicts and there are arguments. It is quite normal to disagree, but how you choose to express the disagreements is the real challenge. If you both are somebody who would usually get into the yelling and screaming battles, then there is a definite problem in communication. Most often, there is no actual breakdown in communication. In fact, there is plenty of ineffective communication, which leads to nowhere. Most specifically, in these cases, there is a problem in reactivity management. The husband is yelling and raising his voice at you; you are screaming back at him defensively or being submissive and taking the brunt of the yelling. All the extraordinary communication skills learned in schools will be pointless in the case of poorly managed reactivity. 

If you think you cannot help the situation yourself through discussion, at this point, professional counseling could be helpful to both partners. Mostly, chronic ineffective management of reactivity has deeper roots and dates back to the people’s early history. A trained marriage therapist can help through the emotional reactivity process; they will help connect the dots of current events to the early history, finish old unfinished business, and develop reactivity management methods for you.

How to Handle A Fussy And Yelling Husband?

There are measures to manage the fussy and screaming situation. Let’s start with the men who raise their voices to dominate and overpower the argument. Assuming the propensity to have a bad boy side is not that frequent of an occurrence, but it can still be nerve-wracking to a good wife at the least and threatening to marriage at the most.

So how to manage such a behavior?

Following are some alternative ways if you are on the receiving end of the screaming and yelling husband who thinks howling can resolve issues and problems.

Label the Behavior and Its Effect on You

Sometimes husbands can be oblivious of their expression, and they may not know they are beginning to raise their voice at you.

Although it is not the case of every man because some of them exactly know what they are doing, others who can be overwhelmed with their emotions and unable to contain them in it,

Hence, they leash out and resort to raising their voices to prove a point.

If your husband belongs to this category, one way to ground him is to point out his behavior simply. You can describe and re-verse what he is doing and its emotional and psychological effect on you.

For instance, you can communicate by saying, “You are starting to raise your voice and lose control. I don’t feel safe when you act in this way.”

At times, guys just lose control, and their volumes tone up without them even realizing it.

In this situation, a wake-up call to your man will make him reflect on his behavior. This will send a clear message that this behavior is unacceptable and that you have no tolerance for such behavior. You are not having an ugly outburst in defense but a healthy response to wrong behavior. This will also let the husband know better and contain himself if otherwise, he’ll have to risk losing you.

Give Him Space When He is Raising His Voice

Screaming and shouting can be overwhelming for everyone, and especially on whom the voices are being raised. You need to ground yourself and find a safe place for yourself.

So the best way to tone down the situation is by leaving the immediate space where he raises his voice and gets loud.  Let him and yourself have some space. Tell him you need some alone time and respect your privacy.

There can be two kinds of responses to this situation, as well. A reasonable and rational response would come from a husband who has the decency to reflect on his actions and realize that he let things get out of control. He will respect your decision to have some distance until things are cooled down.

The other segment of men would find it even more upsetting that you chose to walk away, in the middle of their outburst. These are the entitled and controlling guys, they insist on not putting up a wall when they are having their moment.

Truth be told, it is abusive behavior and certainly not tolerable. You need to leave the house before the husband escalates the verbal assault.

Listen to Him without Being Offensive and Defensive

Sometimes people just need to vent. Your attentive silence in these situations can be extremely powerful in dissipating the emotionally charged moment and indirectly letting them know that things can be heard more maturely and healthily as well.

If your man gets worked up when things are not going the right way, then you can diffuse his behavior by simply letting him communicate.

Your composed and calming voice would allow him to communicate. If he starts unwinding and opening up about what he is bothered with, then let him. He may not be angry at you; there could be underlying emotions and situations that could be getting him worked up. Thus, it could only be misplaced frustration. Your man loves you, but his demons may be coming in his way in such situations.

So it is best to let him unpack his emotional bag without pointing fingers or dictating him. It will serve him well, and a decent and rational man would know the next time to interact in a healthy way rather than lashing out like that.

However, you need to make sure he does not make it a habit and treat you as his emotional punch bag. Let it be known that raising your voice is not tolerable by you. If he starts to get comfortable with this behavior, it is treading the abusive territory. It is an unhealthy zone for your marriage; you need to consult the therapist and get help from domestic violence helplines

Conclusion

This brief guide provided the psychological details and effects of the problem “my husband raises his voice at me” and also provided some alternative ways to deal with and stop the yelling situation at home. 

People generally resort to yelling when they feel the need to control. They yell in situations where they particularly feel stressed and helpless. Helpless behavior can be exhibited in a powerful yet confusing way. The brain read the helpless signal and will do anything to reduce it, often by yelling.

People usually raise voice at you because they feel they are entitled and have the power over you. While raising the voice and yelling in itself the manifestation of helplessness over any situation, the way it is expressed shows the unhealthy and rather immature way of handling conflict. 

Yelling can be an early sign of domestic violence. If the yelling behavior is getting unmanageable and out of control, consider consulting a marriage therapist. A marital therapist will discuss the presenting problem with you and your spouse, delve into the early history to find the root of the problem, present different strategies to finish the old unresolved business from the past. This will help you manage your emotional responsibility issue and hopefully regain the trust and confidence of your relationship with your spouse.

Frequently Asked Questions: My Husband Raises Voice At Me

Why does he raise his voice at me?

People usually raise voice at you because they feel they are entitled and have the power over you. While raising the voice and yelling in itself the manifestation of helplessness over any situation, the way it is expressed shows the unhealthy and rather immature way of handling conflict. 

Is it normal for a husband to yell at his wife?

No, yelling is not the normal way of communication in any relationship. It is a sign of unhealthy and rather immature behavior. Of course, there are arguments and conflicts in any long-term relationship and married life. But yelling and screaming and unacceptable and not normal.

Why does my husband yell at me so much?

Swearing and screaming are the behaviors of bullies; they are trying to dominate and control other people. The yelling husband may get the satisfaction that they have changed a person’s mind or made them agree on anything, but the reality is that they just bullied the wife and cornered them. So, if the wife has complied with the husband, it’s usually out of fear of his yelling and angry behavior.

Is it normal for your husband to curse at you?

No, if your husband often swears and curses at you out of frustration, it could be his habit, but a disrespectful pattern nonetheless. Even if the profane language is out of habit or intentional, it is not normal and unacceptable behavior.

How do I deal with an irrational husband?

Some of the ways to deal with an irrationally angry husband are given below:

Listen: Most often, people want to be heard, and they start yelling out of frustration and helplessness.
Get some fresh air: As much important is it to provide a safe environment to the husband, it is equally important for you to ground yourself. Get some fresh air and try to give him space.
Think empathetically: Try to see his point of view and respond empathetically rather than from a defensive end.
Discuss it: communication is key to healthy conflict management. Discuss with your husband what is bothering him and how you both can come to a resolution.

References

6 Effective Ways to How to Stop Your Husband from Yelling at You

https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/6-effective-ways-to-how-to-stop-your-husband-from-yelling-at-you/embed/#?secret=aipJUYHRU3

httphttps://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/The-Problem-with-Yelling#:~:text=Being%20frequently%20yelled%20at%20changes,increasing%20muscular%20tension%20and%20more.s://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/The-Problem-with-Yelling#:~:text=Being%20frequently%20yelled%20at%20changes,increasing%20muscular%20tension%20and%20more.

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