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What To Do When Your Boyfriend Yells At You?

This guide will answer what to do when your boyfriend yells at you. It will also delve into the related psychological distress and anxiety that yelling brings to you.

What To Do When Your Boyfriend Yells At You?

It can be an extremely distressing situation if your boyfriends yell at you frequently. When your boyfriend yells at you, you need to find a safe environment to ground yourself or ask him to discuss when things have cooled down a bit.

Yelling in close relationships is a big NO-NO, irrespective of who is doing it. Yelling does not bring constructive resolution to any arguments and only worsens the situation. These situations escalate in a spur of a moment. It may get difficult to grasp that these arguments are based on temporary feelings and not the permanent emotions. However, it can leave a lasting impact on the memory and behavior of people, so it is best not to yell and raise your voice 

Some of the ways you can helpful yourself when your boyfriend yells at you are listed below:

  • Remind him that he is beginning to raise his voice and you are being hurt with this behavior.
  • Dissociate yourself from the conversation.
  • Get some fresh air and leave for a few moments until he has levelled down.
  • Drink a glass of water.
  • Take deep breaths and try to calm your own nerves.
  • Talk and discuss what is bothering him.
  • Be assertive that it is unacceptable to yell, so managing the situation in an adult and healthy manner will help solve the problem.

What Causes Him to Yell?

Some of the reasons why couples may end up yelling could be:

  1. Stress

A person with stress and psychological tension is usually unable to comprehend the situations and act impulsively. They find it difficult to manage their emotions and explode in anger at any time.

Although it may look embarrassing and inhumane to others, the person himself finds it helpless to navigate through their stress. 

  1. Unrealistic Societal Expectations

Different societal and cultural pressures can take a toll on people. It gets hard to meet the unrealistic image of masculinity and femininity given by society, they may find themselves being crushed by this stress.

Such situations often leave them frustrated and upset at themselves and everything around them.

  1. Physical Changes

Biology also plays a significant role in the emotional stability of people. Hormonal changes and sleep adequacy are vital for the emotional regulation and mental well-being of people.

  1. Need for Control

Yelling could be a sign of lack of control and the desperate attempt to regain it. It manifests as an indication of low self-esteem and inability to communicate it to the other person. 

  1. Conflict and Differences Of Opinion

You can’t be on the same page all the time, there are differences in point of views in almost every situation.  Some people may yell out of helplessness in a conflicting situation, where their opinions are being opposed and challenged. The cause in these situations is primarily the reactivity management. 

How to Manage and Prevent Things From Going Haywire

Following are some alternative ways if you are on the receiving end of the yelling boyfriend who thinks screaming can resolve issues and problems.

Name His Behavior and Its Impact on You

Sometimes guys can be unaware of their expression, and they may not know they are beginning to raise their voice or yell at you.

Although it is not the case with all the men because some of them exactly know how they are exhibiting themselves, while others can be overwhelmed with their emotions and are unable to contain them in it,

So, they leash out and resort to raising their voices to put their message across.

If your boy belongs to this group, one way to ground him is to name his behavior plainly. You can describe and tell him what he is doing and this behaviour’s emotional and psychological impact on you.

For instance, you can start off by saying, “You are starting to yell and lose control. I don’t feel safe when you act in this way.”

Sometimes, men  just lose control, and their volumes rise up without them even realizing it.

In this situation, a wake-up call to your boyfriend will make him reflect on his behavior. This will send a clear message that this behavior is unacceptable and that you have no tolerance for such behavior. You are not having an ugly outburst in defense but a healthy response to wrong behavior. This will also let the boyfriend know better and contain himself otherwise, he’ll have to risk losing you.

Give Him Space When He Begins To Raise His Voice

Screaming and shouting can be overwhelming for everyone, and especially on whom the voices are being raised. Often people get scared and go into the fight/flight/freeze modes, that causes them to run, freeze or get angry at the situation. Therefore, first and foremost, you need to ground yourself and find a safe place for yourself.

So the best way to tone down the situation is by leaving the immediate space where he raises his voice and gets loud.  Let him and yourself have some space. Tell him you need some alone time and he needs to respect your privacy.

There can be two kinds of responses to this situation, as well. A reasonable and rational response would come from a man who has the decency to reflect on his actions and realize that he let things get out of control. He will respect your decision to have the needed distance until things are cooled down.

The other segment of men would find it even more upsetting that you chose to walk away, in the middle of their outburst. These are the entitled and controlling guys, they insist on not putting up a wall when they are having their moment.

Truth be told, it is abusive behavior and certainly not tolerable. You need to leave the house before your boyfriend escalates the verbal assault.

Listen to Him Actively and Attentively

Sometimes people just need to vent. Your attentive silence in these situations can be extremely powerful in dissipating the emotionally charged moment and indirectly letting them know that things can be heard more maturely and healthily as well.

If your man gets worked up when things are not going the right way, then you can diffuse his behavior by simply letting him communicate.

Your composed and calming voice would allow him to communicate. If he starts unwinding and opening up about what he is bothered with, then let him. He may not be angry at you; there could be underlying emotions and situations that could be getting him worked up. Thus, it could only be misplaced frustration. Your man loves you, but his demons may be coming in his way in such situations.

So it is best to let him unpack his emotional baggage without pointing fingers or dictating him. It will serve him well, and a decent and rational man would know the next time to interact in a healthy way rather than lashing out.

However, you need to make sure he does not make it a habit and treat you as his emotional punch bag. Let it be known that yelling is not tolerable by you. If he starts to get comfortable with this behavior, it is treading the abusive territory. It is an unhealthy zone for your marriage; you need to consult the therapist and get help from domestic violence helplines

Conclusion

This guide answered what to do when your boyfriend yells at you. It delved into the related psychological distress and anxiety that yelling brings to you.

People generally resort to yelling when they feel the need to control. They yell in situations where they particularly feel stressed and helpless. Helpless behavior can be exhibited in a powerful yet confusing way. The brain read the helpless signal and will do anything to reduce it, often by yelling.

Yelling can be detrimental to the emotional and psychological health of your partner. This can trigger your anxiety and hinder your ability to think clearly. Thus, yelling can induce or possibly increase mental health issues.

To stop the yelling behavior, verbally acknowledge the willingness to stop this pattern. Be open to effective communication and discussion of the problem. Develop a code of conduct to encourage healthy communication; take time out when you feel helpless or triggered.

Yelling can be an early sign of domestic violence. If the yelling behavior is getting unmanageable and out of control, consider consulting a couple therapist. A couple therapist will discuss the presenting problem with you and your spouse, delve into the early history to find the root of the problem, present different strategies to finish the old unresolved business from the past. This will help you manage your emotional responsibility issue and hopefully regain the trust and confidence of your relationship with your spouse.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQS): What to Do When Your Boyfriend Yells at You?

What do you do when your boyfriend yells at you?

When your boyfriend yells at you, it would help to ask him to reconsider the way he is behaving. You need to assert that his behavior is causing you discomfort and you can’t accept his behavior. Some people do not realize when they start yelling so reminding them may bring them in control of their actions.

Is it normal for my boyfriend to yell at me?

No, it is not normal to yell at anyone in any circumstances. Constant yelling is a form of verbal abuse and no one deserves to be treated that way. As a healthy, mature adult, it is only acceptable to communicate rationally. 

Is yelling normal in a relationship?

No, it is not normal to yell in any relationship. Expressing anger, disagreements, and arguments is part of a relationship, however, you do not have to go overboard with it by yelling and screaming in frustration and tension. Yelling is unacceptable behavior; it is suggested to communicate assertively but in a healthy way. 

Is raising your voice abuse?

Yes, constantly raising your voice and yelling at people is a form of verbal abuse. It can be frightening to people of all ages. It is always healthy to talk and communicate maturely without raising your voice

Is it normal to cry when someone yells at you?

Yes. it is normal to cry when someone yells at you. Some people are more sensitive to loud voices than others. They experience emotional pain and discomfort, causing them to cry when somebody yells at them.

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201508/does-your-partner-have-rage-attacks-heres-what-do

https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Mean-when-Angry

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