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Why am I so attached to someone I barely know?

In this article, we’ll explore the answer to Why am I so attached to someone I barely know? It will help you understand more in-depth about emotional attachments and how to stop yourself from being emotionally attached to someone you barely know.

Psychology-Based Reasons of Why am I attached to Someone I Barely Know

The reason you are so attached to someone you barely know is you are a highly sensitive person and you foresee a relationship going well. It could also be attributed to your anxious attachment styles which makes you dependent on the object of attachment in a short time.

An important factor underlying this type of behavior is the fear of abandonment. This stems from the sense of emptiness and in hopes of stopping this feeling, a person may seek solace in interpersonal relationships.

Being too attached to the other person you barely met and known, can be problematic to the relationship. A healthy relationship needs to grow and evolve on its own, but the overly attached behavior can often make the other person feel uncomfortable and sometimes even suffocated by always wanting to cling on to them, thus revealing the emotional instability. 

Consequently, it may leave you dejected and heartbroken, thus deepening the abandonment issues. As magical as the thought of being with the person felt earlier, so is the difficulty to describe the sensation of feeling abandoned by the loved one. Hence, the person feels stuck in this infinite loop of a vicious cycle.

What is the role of Emotional Attachment?

The emotional attachment could entrap most of us in any relationship we have, be it our relationship as a friend, family or couple. Emotional attachment is the dependence developed among people and that may hinder our ability to be 100 % independent.

Thus, in this case, our happiness lies not in our hands, but is strongly dependent on the relationship with the other person. It proves to be a double-edged sword; too much emotional dependence on the other person can be detrimental in the relationship. If it is over, the person will feel purposeless and depressed.

Emotional dependence between partners is natural and evolves out of the affection for the person and relationship. In every emotional bond, you will develop a level of emotional dependency on that person.

It is an acquired pattern since childhood as a subsistence mechanism; initially with parents and caregivers and later with all the people we share an affection bond. All human beings require security and stability in attachment relationships; this facilitates protection, bonding, security and also boosts the self-esteem of the partners.

Nonetheless, in the case of insecure relationships at an early stage, for instance with parents or siblings, it can lead to insecure mental patterns in the romantic relationship which increases the emotional dependence after they are created. When the extent of emotional dependence is too high and becomes dysfunctional, it starts to create problems in the relationship and begin to hinder it.

Difference between Love and Attachment

Attachment and love should not be confused with each other, since they are entirely different concepts.

Emotional dependence can be problematic because it can result in annulment as a person. It is often seen that the attached person gives up on his lifestyle, making sacrifices on his tastes, likes, hobbies and even the friends circle to fulfill the other person’s needs.

The downside is not that they are unaware of what they are doing. Instead, they justify the dependence by claiming they are in love. However, deep inside they know they are unhappy. They have basically discounted on everything for a relationship that does not even make him grow.

Ever wondered if you have experienced this scenario? It is possible that you may have experienced it without even realizing it, or identifying it after a period of time. Emotional attachments are an outcome of fear, insecurity and manipulation. Fear usually exhibits in various forms, primarily the fear of losing the other person or being left alone. Several people are afraid of loneliness, when this could be the best way to find themselves.

The fear that you might be abandoned by your partner results in you giving up on yourself to get their acceptance. The same is applicable in the case of the fear of loneliness. You take everything to make the situation work because you are severely affected by the thought of being on your own.

Ultimately, you lose yourself, and start canceling yourself and stop valuing yourself. This type of anxious attachment style strongly destroys your self-esteem and confidence.

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Signs of Emotionally Dependence on the Other Person

When you are emotionally attached to someone, you start idealizing them. You magnify their virtues and dismiss their flaws. You are extremely fearful of the possibility of being rejected or left alone; this manifests in the form of possessive behavior, insecurity and jealousy. The fear intensifies because you don’t want to be left alone and have clingy behavior.

Attached people observe insecurity and have lowered self-esteem. Their source of self-worth is the relationship, which is extremely unhealthy. Over time the submissiveness increases and the self-esteem decreases.They become less independent and begin to give up on themselves.

Hence, the attached may lack self affection, emotion deficiency, low self-esteem and unhealthy expectations in the relationships.

Consequences of Emotional Attachment

Emotional dependence can have high psychological and social consequences:

  • Break-ups and Patch-ups become a repetitive cycle for you. This leads to nowhere and hinders the process of moving ahead.
  • Your self-esteem is decreased; you feel unloved, unimportant, secondary and undervalued. You feel undermined by your own self.
  • Extreme separation anxiety; you may find it difficult to function independently. You feel threatened and endangered all the time.
  • Obsessive thinking about the person enjoying themselves without them. The jealousies and worries elicit a possessive attitude and may suffocate the other person.
  • Submissive behavior and completely giving up on your own life results in having no social life of your own. Thus, one would feel isolated, and hopeless about their life.
  •  Emotional dependence may lead to toxic relationships that are recurring and cyclic. 

Tips to Overcome Emotional Attachment

Recognize the issue

If you find any of the symptoms of listed below then you might be experiencing emotional dependency issue:

  • Obsessive need for proximity. You can not stand the physical distance between you and your partner.
  • Inability to function without the other person. You are always missing them.
  • Continual insecurity about the future. You are never sure or calm about the future of your relationship. You are always on alert with fear that it might end at any time.
  • Fear of heartbreak. It is always a haunting thought, you may find that the dream is over and they will abandon you.
  • Lack of personal life, showing disregard towards own tastes and needs. Lack of self worth and no time for your own hobbies result in poor social life.
  • Fear of not reaching the expectation of your partner. You always feel like you don’t deserve this relationship. You were too lucky to have them.

Ways to Overcome Emotional Attachment

  1. Handle the fear of losing your partner: You are an individual human being and can learn to be on your own without dependence on any other. Sure, you will experience grief after losing contact with the person but you can function independently. It will eventually strengthen you and make you more confident, and secure.
  2.  Be Assertive and express your needs: You need to put yourself first and acknowledge your own needs and experience your own likes and tasks to regain control of your life.
  3. Emphasize on your life: Strengthen your skill, work or art. Pay attention to your achievement and strengthen your self worth and esteem.
  4. Develop Emotional Intelligence: Be aware and develop your emotional intelligence. Understand your needs and your self better and seek solutions for your emotional problems.
  5. Practice Physical Distancing: Distancing yourself from the situation will help a great deal. It will facilitate in finding peace for yourself. It might be initially difficult but eventually you’ll find solace in this practice.

Conclusion

In this comprehensive guide, we got the answer to “Why am I so attached to someone I barely know,” and explored the possibility of why do people get emotionally attached and how to stop this from happening.

Emotional dependence and attachment are a complex but necessary component of the relationship dynamics. With each act of emotional dependence you become more addicted to your partner. Henceforth, it is essential to identify those patterns and try to stop them. These are the security mechanisms that strengthen the relationship.

It is also important to bring ease in expressing your emotion by overcoming fears and addictions that have caused discomfort and increasing the surge of serenity and calmness in the relationship.

You must master your own emotional changes to elicit a positive emotional response in your partners. This will largely enhance the confidence and comfort you require in the relationships.

If you enjoyed the ”Why am I so attached to someone I barely know?” take a look to ”Why Am I So Attached to My Stuffed Animal?” too.

FAQs about Why am I so Attached to Someone I Barely Know

What does it mean when you get attached to someone quickly?

If you attach too quickly to somebody, it may mean that you are scared that you will always be alone and stay single forever or for a long time. One of the other reasons that some people, commonly women,  get too attached too fast because they are missing something in their lives.  Additionally, they may need extra comfort, support, or unconditional love because their family has not provided this or unable to provide this.

Can you fall in love with someone you hardly know?

Yes, you can fall in love with someone you hardly know. Some people may fall in love with complete strangers such as the believers of love at first sight. Most of the time, this is the outcome of the person’s own fantasies and projections. However, to completely love someone, flaws and all, you need to develop a certain depth of understanding, which is only possible when you get to know a person.

Why can’t I stop thinking about someone I barely dated?

You can’t stop thinking about someone you barely dated or barely know because of attachment issues. If you have lived in a safe and secure family environment, you develop secure attachment styles. However, if somebody had unstable, dismissing, or unavailable experiences with the primary caregiver, they will steer towards anxious or fearful attachment patterns.  

Often, people with difficulties in attachment “fixate and idealize unavailable people.” This gives them the illusion of a relationship when there had been none. This could lead to clingy behavior way too early in the relationship or even long after the situation has concluded.

References

https://www.bustle.com/p/the-best-questions-to-ask-yourself-to-determine-which-of-the-4-attachment-styles-you-are-9964503

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201209/why-clingy-partners-cling

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